“I’ve come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen” ~ Bob Lemon

The Yankees played game two of their four game series against the Tampa Rays tonight at the Stadium.  The Yankees started Phil “I hope the Joba Rules don’t destroy me like they did Joba” Hughes (17-8 4.31) and the Rays started James Shields (13-13 4.96).

And of course since there is no pennant race in this brave new wild card era the buzz at the game was the Snoopy giveaway night.  The first 18 thousand fans received a Snoopy doll that was unfortunately packed in plastic and had a string around his neck.  It looked like Snoopy had died from auto erotic asphyxiation.   I did not know Snoopy was that kinky.  It was disconcerting.  Still, not as disconcerting as the Charlie Brown golden shower giveaway night or the Lucy Van Pelt strapon giveaway night.

But onto the game.

The Yankees got on the board first breaking out with five runs in the bottom of the first.  Nick Swisher hit a home run.  Then Jorge Posada singled home Mark Teixeira.  Lance “Fat Elvis” Berkman doubled to deep center, scoring Alex Rodriguez and Jorge Posada.  Curtis Granderson then singled home Berkman.  5-0 Yankees after one.

And so the score stayed until the pesky Rays tried to scratch their way back into the game. They scored one in the second on a Matt “He of the .227 average” Joyce home run.  5-1 Yankees after two.

In the top of the third John Jaso led off with a walk.  After another walk to Carl Crawford moved him to second he scored on a single by Evan “I am not dating a pro basketball player – you are thinking of Eva Longoria” single.  5-2 Yankees after three.

In the top of the seventh Carl Crawford singled home Jason Bartlett.  5-3 Yankees after 6 1/2.  Oh oh.  Was Tampa going to get back into the game?  Have faith!  In the bottom of the seventh Robinson Cano doubled home Teixeira and AROD.  7-3 Yankees after seven.

In the bottom of the eighth Derek Jeter doubled home Brett Gardner as Joba Chamberlain closed the door on the Rays. Final score:  Yankees 8 Rays 3.

Notes on the game:

Emelio Estefan, husband of Gloria Estefan threw out the first pitch.  He then waded across the Harlem River in a makeshift raft and claimed asylum in Manhattan.

Nick Johnson injury watch:

Desperate to prove he can still play baseball, Johnson asked some little league players if he could join in their game.  They were naturally happy to have a major league player in their mist and accepted.  Unfortunately Johnson was beaned by a 25 mile an hour fastball thrown by the 10 year old pitcher and was knocked unconscious.  An ambulance arrived to take him to a hospital but crashed en route.  A disorientated and concussion-suffering Johnson wandered into traffic and was hit by a semi.  He was thrown 40 feet and electrocuted on a power line.  Johnson’s agent is confident. absolutely confident that he needs a new client.

Recommended reading material:

Swing Swing Swing – The Life and Times of Benny Goodman by Ross Firestone.

Reader mail:

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes “I think my neighbor saw me bury a client in my back yard.  What can I do?”

That’s simple.  Dig him up and bury him in your neighbor’s back yard.  Then call the police.

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “I hate the Yankees and look forward to beating you in the World Series this year.”

Again, I apologize for D.B. readers.  He’s obviously confused.  Probably works for an accounting firm.

T.S. of Astoria Queens writes, “I am an unfrozen caveman bartender.  I am confused by your modern New York society.”

You’re not from Philadelphia are you?

And so ends my 2010 season with a 12-8 record.  Respectable but not as good as last year’s 13-2. Postseason ticket for the ALDS and ALCS go on sale this Friday.  Hopefully they will have some games on nights I can go to as I work Wednesday through Saturday night 8 PM to 8 AM.  So I’m looking at you Bud Selig.  Show me some love or you’re dead to me.

Sure I could take a vacation day but that’s not the point. Vacations are like sex.  You only get a limited amount and it would be a shame to waste a vacation day on one night.  You want to enjoy your vacation and establish an emotional connection.  Ideally you want to say to your vacation, “I really enjoyed myself.  Hopefully we can do this again in six months.  And after five years maybe every four months.”

In that respect vacations differ from marriage in that the longer you are together the more you actually get to do it.

How do you the Yankees stack up against postseason opponents?  If the season ended today the Yankees have three potential opponents:  the Tampa Bay Rays, the Texas Rangers and the Minnesota Twins.  The Yankees are 8-8 against Tampa (with two more games against them.)  We are 4-2 against Minnesota and 4-4 against Texas.  All three opponents will be tough.

Go Yankees!

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