Democratic Sex: High Risk, High Reward

Alvin Greene - the latest Democratic thrill seekerWith the indictment of South Carolina Democratic Candidate for Senate Alvin Greene on charges of showing pornography to underage girls attention has focused on the history of Democratic sex.  More specifically, the penchant of Democratic politicians for “high risk, high reward, high thrills” pleasure seeking.

“The Democrats believe in a hands-on activist approach to many things, and that includes sex” said a sociologist who has studied Democrats.

While many are familiar with President Clinton’s use of a cigar as a sex prop not many know of President Johnson’s pick up line of “I’m the Commander-In-Chief. You will do what I say.  And I say apply the lotion or you get the hose.

“He used to use that line all the time.  It really freaked out the interns.”

President Kennedy was known for asking all the woman he met if they wanted to have an orgy with him, the Attorney General and Marilyn Monroe.

“The  woman didn’t mind the part about having sex with Marilyn Monroe but they found Robert Kennedy a little creepy.  He wanted to film everything and liked to be called ‘Senior Pedro of the Monster Loincloth’ “

During World War II, President Roosevelt took advantage of every opportunity to bed Hollywood starlets, inviting them to the White House for overnight visits. He was particularly fond of Lana Turner.  He knew she was an Anglophile and once tried to pick her up with the line, “I’ve seen Churchill Naked. You like that don’t you bitch.

“She ran out the White House screaming.  The press hushed it up because they didn’t feel it was proper to embarrass a President during a time of war.”

President Woodrow Wilson would frequently invite female suffragettes into his office and  invite them to “go down on his 14 points”

Perhaps the most visionary Presidential sex-seeker was Andrew Jackson. Jackson, who had killed a man in a duel, anticipated Johnny Cash by 130 years by telling women that he “had shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.”

Thomas Jefferson would take woman on private tours of the just-completed Executive Mansion.  When he got them alone he would talk about how he regularly slept with his female slaves.  “They’ve taught me a few things that white men don’t normally know.  I can rock your world sexually honey.  Are you interested?” 

While technically not a Democrat, George Washington is believed to have started the tradition of Presidential sex-seeking.  He would often go cruising the back alleys of Philadelphia looking for ladies of the evening.  When he found one he would take out his false teeth and ask them if they’ve “ever been gummed by the President of a Republic?”

Not wanting to be left out, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) reminded reporters that Republicans, too, seek sex.

“Just the other day I showed Katie Couric the Playboy I keep in my desk and asked her if she wanted to make out.”

“It’s pathetic” said a reporter who witnessed the incident.  “The Republicans are so behind the times.”



2 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    Mitch McConnell and Katie Couric would somehow make the hottest offspring in the history of human children. Or a hideous malformed hell-spawn.

    One of those two.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Why can’t it be both?

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