Mayor McCheese, long-time mayor of McDonaldland was indicted today on charges of money laundering, witness tampering, fraud, conspiracy to avoid paying income tax, conspiracy to tamper with election results and conspiracy to remove a tag from a mattress.

The indictments, unsealed today are the result of  a year-long wiretapping of Mayor McCheese’s offices in City Hall.   Among the many revelations in the wiretaps:  Mayor McCheese had his cousin the Hamburgler rob the homes of McDonaldland’s wealthiest citizens.

Mayor McCheese:  Start with the Park Avenue Homes.  Rob them all, the c—suckers.  Some of them didn’t even contribute to my campaign.

The Hamburglar:  What if I bump into Ronald McDonald?

Mayor McCheese:  Ronald McDonald?  I want you to take care of that son of a bitch right away.  Ronald sold out the old man, that stronz.  I dont want to see him no more.  I want you to make that first thing on your list, understand?

It has long been rumored that McCheese has links to the shadowy underground organization known as “The Cosa McNostra.” These wiretaps seem to confirm this.  Several times McCheese is referred to as “The McGodfather.”

Also on the tapes, McCheese apparently orders the assassination of McDonaldland Police Chief, Officer Big Mac (pictured below) who had been squeezing in on McCheese’s drug territory.

Mayor McCheese:  Where does it say you can’t kill a cop?

Unidentified:  Come on, Mayor…..

Mayor McCheese:  I’m talking about a cop that’s  mixed up in drugs.  I’m talking about a dishonest cop – a crooked cop who got mixed up in the rackets and got what was coming to him. That’s a terrific story.  And we have newspaper people on the payroll, don’t we?

Upon release of the wiretaps, Mayor McCheese held a press conference on the steps of City Hall where he blamed his political opponents for the indictment.

This always happens to reformers.  Those who care about the little man.  They assassinated Huey Long and now they are coming after me.  It’s the old guard.  The rich fat cats who don’t want their income redistributed.  I just want to make life better for the working man.   Well it’s not going to work.  I will fight this and I will win.

McCheese was then asked about his yacht, which he keeps tax-free in Rhode Island.   This angered McCheese who ended the press conference and walked back into City Hall.

Mayor McCheese’s trial is expected to start around Thanksgiving.

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