Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and heir to the throne of the American elite, married her long-time boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky at the Hudson River estate of Astor Courts.
As Lord and Lady Clinton walked through the quaint village of Rhinebeck before their daughter’s wedding, royalty from Hollywood and Washington D.C., arrived and the village was placed under tight security. The airspace over the estate was declared a no-fly zone. The Dutchess Country Airport was locked down and the only flights allowed to land were those carrying wedding guests.
“We don’t want to inconvenience the aristocracy” said an F.A.A. official. “I mean, it’s not like we live in a Republic.”
Residents who lived within a half-mile of the wedding had their homes razed by the Secret Service “for security reasons.” But not to worry. Those who found themselves newly homeless were given a bottle of wine by the Secret Service for their trouble.
As the wedding progressed amid tight security, commoners arrived to pay their respects. Said one man:
I’ve lived on Lord Clinton’s estate for years. He said that if I paid my respects on his daughter’s wedding day he would forgo the four fat fowl and one day’s labor a year that I owe him as part of my feudal dues. I just wish he would forget about that whole droit de seigneur thing. I mean I’m getting married soon too and I’d like to have my wife before he does.
A young female commoner stood behind the ropes holding a camera.
“I’m hoping to see m’lady Oprah” she said.
After the wedding, the Clintons and their guests partied on yachts on the Hudson River. The father of the bride, Bill Clinton was last seen being escorted to a special tent that held many young virgins of the area.
A happy Clinton gave the thumbs up to reporters while saying “Droit de seigneur baby. I love this tradition. Oh, and I’m very happy about my daughter’s wedding. Onto the virgins!’
State troopers report that the only security breach was a local resident who was arrested while walking his dog not far from the wedding. The resident and his dog were handcuffed and taken away for questioning.
The dog later confessed when placed upon the rack.
“Fido resisted at first” said the chief of police. “But once his cartilage started snapping he gave it up.”
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Ah, American royalty.
They’re so…regal…aren’t they?
thou darest speaketh against Lord and Lady Clinton? Off with your head commoner!
Who is this guy, and how could be possibly be dumb enough to marry into this family? Just the thought of having Hillary as a mother-in-law is giving me abdominal cramps.
Not that I have anything against Lady Clinton, but this DID have an air of a royal event, didn’t it?
It was very nice of the Secret Service to give a bottle of wine to the people who were temporarily kicked out of their homes. Do you think they may have gotten some crumbs from the food at the reception too? Maybe a napkin that Chelsea wiped her mouth on? “Ooh, frame it!”
Inn: He is I understand a fugly rich investment banker so I think they married into him.
KH: Wine for the commoners was a nice touch. Though it wouldn’t surprise me if they sent wine coolers instead.
Chelsea is an adult…and a rich liberal snoot just like her mother…so I can say this about the patrician newlyweds: That’s a whole lot of butt-ugly going on in that marriage.
No amount of money could fix these two gargoyles.
Sorry, it had to be said.
Lovely essay, received the satisfaction of reading