Yankees Beat Defending National League Champion Phillies; Order Restored to Universe

“Poets are like baseball pitchers.  Both have their moments  The intervals are the tough things.” ~ Robert Frost

The First Church of Baseball

Today your correspondent found himself ensconced in the 4th to the last row of the upper deck at Yankee Stadium to see a rematch of last year’s World Series – Yankees and Phillies.  I don’t want to say that my seat was bad but during the game Bob Uecker texted me:  “Dude, your seat sucks.” 

The Yankees started CC Sabathia (7-3 4.00 ERA) while the Phillies started Roy “Perfect Game” Halladay (8-5 2.36 ERA). Sabathia’s stats are misleading as four of those victories came against the Orioles (well, who can’t beat the Orioles.)  It was not a pitcher’s duel.

The Yankees scored first in the bottom of the second.  A single to Nick Swisher and a walk to Jorge Posada lead to a Brett “My hairline is NOT receding” Gardner triple.  2-0 Yankees after two.

Curtis Granderson led off the bottom of the third with a solo home run to deep right.  After a Robinson Cano double Nick Swisher hit a two run shot.   5-0 Yankees after three.

The Phillies made it briefly interesting scoring three runs in the top of the fourth.  How did they score these runs?  Who cares it’s the Phillies and we all know what the outcome was going to be anyway. But  like I said, it was briefly an interesting game.  Because that’s what we Noo Yawkers like to do.  Tease our opponents before we crush them.  (Well, except for basketball. The less said about the Knicks the better. If any of my readers would like to buy the Knicks and take them off our hands, I’m sure they can be bought for maybe a couple thousand.)  5-3 Yankees after four.

In the bottom of the fifth Mark “I may be batting .229 but I’m having a really bad year to make up for it” Teixeira hit a solo home run.  6-3 Yankees after five.

In the bottom of the seventh, after walks to Teixeira, Jorge Posada and Brett “Stop looking at my hair” Gardner, Francisco Cervelli singled in Teixeira and Posada.   8-3 Yankees after seven.  And that was the final score.  Yankees defeat Philadelphia.  Semi-order is restored to America.  Complete order will not be restored until the damn World Cup is over.

Notes on the game:

There were lots of Philadelphia fans in attendance.  I’d say about 35% of the fans were wearing Philly red.  One fan behind me in Philly red decided it would be good to trash talk the entire game, even at one point starting a “Jeter sucks Peter” heckle. He got quieter as the game went on and the Yankees pulled away.  Then he left early.  Dude, if you’re going to trash talk at least be man enough to stick around for the whole game.  I shot him in the back as he was leaving.

This was day five of the Great 2010 AROD Groin Crisis.  AROD did not play.  His groin did play however.  Kate  Hudson be damned!!

Nick Johnson injury watch:

Our DH Nick Johnson was – oh forget it.  If a malaria-ridden mosquito bit Nick Johnson the mosquito would die. I’m convinced Samuel L. Jackson’s character in “Unbreakable” is based on the oft-injured Johnson.

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of “I said your friend died squealing like a stuck Irish pig.  Now you think about that when I beat the rap”  drew puzzle stares.  And here I thought everyone could quote The Untouchables from memory.  My mistake.

Recommended reading material:

What Happened at Vatican II by John W. O’Malley.

Reader mail:

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “Hey, Philadelphia is a great town.  Just remember buddy, I work for PriceWaterhouse Coopers.  One day you’ll have to be audited and when that happens, I’ll be there to get my revenge.”

I’ve already moved all my assets offshore sir.

T.S. of Astoria Queens but formerly of Philadelphia writes “The Phillies are breaking my heart.  Just like the interns.”

Just make sure they are legal.

Ezra Pound, also of Philadelphia writes, “Yet say this to the Possum:  A bang not a whimper, with a bang not a whimper.”

Obviously Pound is referring to the AROD’s groin problems.

And so after eight games my record stands at 6-2.  My next game is Tuesday June 29th against the Seattle Pilots, er, Mariners.

Go Yankees!



5 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    As Rahm Emanuel has said, “Never let a good groin crisis go to waste.”

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    My groin, my groin. My kingdom for a groin – Shakespeare.

    Okay, so maybe he never said that. But I bet he wanted to.

  3. Dragongrrl says:

    I was also at the game. You know it’s tough being a Phillies fan when the Yankee Stadium vendors heckle you!

    Vendor to Phillies fan: I have a question for you, sir.

    Phillies fan: Yeah?

    Vendor: How many games did Pedro Martinez win for the Phillies in the 2009?

    Phillies fan: You mean in the World Series? That would be zero.

    Vendor: Exactly.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Vendor should have charged the Philly fan extra.

  5. Matt says:

    That is the first Seattle Pilots reference that I have ever seen on a blog. Well done for obscure baseball history.

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