Recently I was privileged to sit down and have an exclusive chat with legendary White House reporter Helen Thomas.  Ms. Thomas was gracious enough to  answer all my questions and I thank her for taking time out from her busy schedule.

MI:  Thank you Ms. Thomas for agreeing to this interview.  How did you get your start in journalism?

Helen Thomas:  I began as a copygirl for the Washington Daily News which as you know was a Jew-owned newspaper.

MI:  Um, okay.

Helen Thomas:  The Jews should get the hell out of Palestine.  Are you a Jew?

MI:  No, I’m Irish Catholic.

Helen Thomas:  The Irish should get the hell out of England.

MI:  Okay, back to the interview.  When did you first start covering the White House?

Helen Thomas:  It was during the Eisenhower administration.  Eisen-hower.  Eisen.  He was a Jew you know.  That’s why he dropped those nuclear bombs on Egypt.

MI: I,  I don’t remember that happening.

Helen Thomas:  Are you saying I’m lying?  I’m a respected member of the mainstream media!

MI:  Let’s just move along then.   You’ve been quite critical of the war in Iraq –

Helen Thomas:  Are you a Jew?

MI:  We, we’ve already covered that.  Now about the war in Iraq –

Helen Thomas:  The Cardassians should get out of Bajor.  They have no right to be on the Bajoran home world. The Cardassian oppressors are forcing the Bajorans to live in refugee camps.  End the Cardassian occupation now!

MI:  Okay those aren’t even real people.  That’s from Star Trek Deep Space Nine.

Helen Thomas:  I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream.  That’s my nightmare. Crawling, slithering along the edge of a straight razor…..and surviving.

MI:  Um, maybe we should continue this interview at a later time?

Helen Thomas:  First thing – on with the TV.  Next – nothing.  Just sitting there on the bed watching porn. Finally the big moment, he doesn’t even take off his pants. And all the time he’s doing it to me he’s watching them do it on TV.

MI:  What the….what are talking about? Where did that come from?  I didn’t even ask a question.

Helen Thomas:  Do you want to have some fun with me?  I may be 89 but beneath my clothes I have the body of a 79 year old.

MI:  Why….what the…..why are the doors locked?  I have to get out of here.

Helen Thomas:  What’s your problem you whore! You want money? Here’s 20 bucks.  Take it.  Take it all!  Whore!

MI:  I’m outta here.

Note:  At this point my notes show that I gnawed my arm off and used it to smash open a window.  I then jumped from the second floor to safety, breaking both of my legs.

Ms. Thomas has blamed Jew conspirators for my injuries.

(441)