President Obama today announced a 800 billion dollar Federal program  to oversee the United States’ transition to more environmentally friendly and socially conscious sexual activity.

“All over the United States, people are engaging in male-centered expressions of bodily regeneration.  People are using positions that enforce a mindset of submissiveness to the male-centered social order. This must stop.  I have been given a mandate, er, I’m sorry, a persondate by the American people to change society.  I intend to do this” declared President Obama.

Under the newly-created Socially Conscious and Environmentally Friendly Reproductive Act sex positions that the Government deems to be counterproductive to progressive values will be banned.  Among those positions will be fellatio.

“I realize many men like this.  But it must stop. It is nonempowering for the female, who is forced to perform this while on her knees. Obviously this is not a position of equality.”

Under the terms of the Act, before sexual relations commence, a series of consensual verbal declarations will have to be said.  If these are not said, the sexual act will be deemed “invalid” by the Government and subject to fine.

The verbal declarations will take this form:

Male:  Hello woman who is my equal.  I am pleased to engage in egalitarian sex with you that does not include fellatio

Female:  Hello male who is my equal and no longer my master.  I too am pleased to engage in sex acts of equality that do not include fellatio.

Male: Then let us proceed forthwith.

Female:  Do you care about my orgasm?

Male:  Yes.  Let us proceed forthwith.

Note:  The male has the option of saying no at this point.  However if he says no the sex act cannot legally proceed.  It is not expected many men will utilize this choice.

After the sex act has been consummated partners will say the following:

Male:  Go in peace my partner in equality.  

Female:  The sex act has ended without fellatio.  Let us go forth and be conscious of our impact on the environment.

 The new form of sex has been used on an experimental basis in selected districts and the feedback has been “overwhelmingly positive.”  The only negative reactions have been from men.

Enforcing the new Act will entail placing surveillance devices in all households in the United States.  The Federal Government will begin installing the devices after the new fiscal year begins.

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