Striking Horses Win Concessions

No justice no peace for this horse!New York City’s carriage horses, popular with tourists, have called off their strike after winning significant concessions.

“This is a victory for working horses everywhere” said the leader of the horse strike, who goes by the name of Traveler.  “No longer will the man get rich upon the backs of tired, oppressed horses.  And I mean that literally.”

Under the Pact the International Horsehood of Teamsters will now be recognized by the City.

Mayor Bloomberg told reporters that given the City’s financial condition he would have preferred not to recognize the union but he didn’t have a choice.

“The horses are ruthless negotiators.  They kept crapping on my front lawn.  All day and night.  The stench got to me I guess.  Well, it could be worse.  At least they weren’t smoking.”

Also conceded are living conditions for the carriage horses.  All horses now will have larger stalls to go home to after work.  One horse said that it was about time.

“It’s all about horse dignity.  When I get home from work and remove my manure-catching device I want to be able to stretch out and watch some basic cable.  We did win basic cable right?”

When informed that basic cable was not part of the package the horse pulled out a switchblade and said “Whitey is going to pay for this.”

Horses will also now get five weeks vacation a year.

“I’ve already bought my plane ticket” said Traveler.  “I know a hot Cuban girl in Miami I’m going to hook up with.  What?  Can’t your petty bourgeois mind accept the reality of interspecies love?”

The new vacation package seems to be the most popular part of the new collective bargaining agreement, beating out the dental package and the mandatory clean manure-catching device provisions.  Most horses already have specific plans for their five weeks vacation.  One said that he’s “always wanted to crap in all 50 states.”  Another plans to visit a glue factory and pay silent respects to fallen loved ones.

Mayor Bloomberg said he hopes that the new agreement will usher in a “new era of peace in human/horse relationships.”

The pact will expire in 2015.


2 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    Peter Singer accepts interspecies love as long as the animal consents.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Sadly this is a true story. Carriage horses in NYC were given five weeks vacation and larger stalls.

    You’re a freaking horse! Why should a horse have more vacation time and a larger studio than I do?

    No justice. No peace!

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>