U.N. to Apply Sanctions Against Icelandic Volcano

The Iceland Volcano - Warlike, nuclear and possibly JewishThe United Nations General Assembly held an all day debate considering the options the world has against the “repeated aggressions of Iceland’s Volcano.”

With air traffic at a standstill and President Barack Obama forced to play golf instead of attending the funeral of Poland’s President, the U.N. declared that Iceland’s Volcano is the “greatest threat to World Peace today.  Greater even than America.”

Many members of the U.N. called upon Israel to stop its “volcanic aggression” and give the Palestinian peoples back their “birthright in Iceland.”

Israeli Prime Minster Benjamin Netanyahu denied any responsibility for the volcano in Iceland.  In Washington, President Obama called an emergency session of his cabinet to respond to rumors that Israel plans to build settlements on the Volcano.

“We cannot allow Israel, in contravention of all its international obligations to do this.  I am angry at Israel.  Vice President Biden is angry.  My wife Michelle is angry.  My daughters are angry. Miley Cyrus is angry.”

From Tehran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called Iceland’s volcano “a Zionist trick” and vowed to do everything in Iran’s power to destroy it.  “As soon as we kill all of our dissidents destroying that Zionist Volcano will be our first priority.”

Ahmadinejad then denied for the hundredth time that he is former Beatles drummer Ringo Starr.

“I swear on my Octopus’ Garden I am not Ringo.”

Around the world there were divergent reactions to the volcano.  Scotland pardoned it.  France called it part of the “Anglo supremacy” and the legislature of Hawaii granted the volcano indigenous status.

President Obama called the U.N.’s sanctions against the Icelandic volcano “a step in the right direction” and said that if the situation in Iceland escalates he may have to interrupt American Idol with a televised address.

The volcano has denied any warlike or aggressive intentions.

“I’m just spewing man.  Cut me some slack.”

Ringo Starr could not be reached for comment.


4 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    Come to think of it, no one has ever seen Starr and Ahmadinejad in the same place. Hmmm…

  2. Meanwhile, at the bottom of the seething, foaming volcano, inside his secret lair, Paul McCartney laughed and laughed and laughed and shouted, “I’ll be frontman of Ringo Starr’s All-Star Band before airplanes fly over Europe, I will!”

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: Ringo needed a job. Leader of Iran paid more money than Thomas the Tank Engine.

    Snarky: Wouldn’t Paul’s secret lair be in Amsterdam where Pot is legal?

  4. Iceland’s Volcano threat to World Peace? Too much confusion is going on everywhere in the world. I don’t mind…I got a good spot where I am.

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