Should the Sacrifice of Obama be Celebrated Facing the Congregation?

The One True GodEvery day throughout the United States, Democrats gather to celebrate the mystery of Obama.  Senators, Congressman,  state officials, lay faithful face the celebrant as he intones the words, “This is Obama’s body, which is being socialized for you.  Do this in memory of him.” Despite the apparent harmony a sizable minority of Democrats say that during the daily sacrifice the celebrant should not be facing the congregation.

“In effect this creates a situation where the Democrats are closed in upon themselves. By facing the faithful the celebrant is actually turning his back upon the statue of Obama.  He should be facing the holy city of Chicago just like us.  We should all be facing the land where Obama came from and started his holy ministry” said one dissenting Democrat.

This controversy has ignited lively debate in Democratic circles.  According to the Democratic Constitution, “On Celebrating the Holy Mystery of Obama’s Body and Blood” all that is stated is that the celebrant “should not be a Republican or a racist tea bagger.” However, it has now become traditional for the celebrant to face the congregation.

“I like it” says Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.  “It creates a greater sense of intimacy. It is not important for us to face Chicago as we pray to Obama, our Dear Leader.  Spiritually we are all part of his body when we register as Democrats.  Spiritually we face the holy city of Chicago every day.”

Their seems to be no end in sight to the debate.  A group of breakaway Democrats has formed an organization dedicated to “bringing the Democratic Party back to its core principals.”

DNC Chairperson Tim Kaine has announced that breakaway groups have “lost all communion with the body of Obama and can no longer be called Democrats.”

The man at the center of the controversy, President Obama, is hoping to quell dissent within his body and is scheduled to speak to the nation tonight at 9:00 PM.  His speeech, entitled, “I”  will be fed into the teleprompter at 8:45.  The backup teleprompter is on standby.

“This is an important speech.  We don’t want any foul ups” said a spokesperson at the White House.



4 Responses

  1. bringing the Democratic Party back to its core principals

    So lynchings and overt racism ARE on the agenda after all.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    They prefer the term “progressive principles”.

  3. Matt says:

    It remains to be seen if the members of breakaway sects will suffer beheading for their sacrilege.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Off with their heads!!

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