Controversy Erupts Over the Body and Blood of Obama

The One True GodThe union of the followers of Obama has been rent by a recent controversy regarding his body and blood.  Previously the approved formula for the body and blood of Obama had been called “Transubstantiation” whereby ordinary bread and wine is converted into the body and blood of Obama.  However, recently a breakaway group have promulgated the doctrine of “Consubstantiation” where the body and blood of Obama exists alongside ordinary bread and wine.

“It has destroyed the communion of the Blue States” according to one follower of Obama. “Fields have been burned.  People have been forced out of their homes.  The Trannies have killed the Connies. The Connies have killed the Trannies.  Chaos reigns supreme.”

It is estimated that 5000 have been killed in recent Blue State religious warfare.

The inspiration for all this fighting is a passage from the Gospel of Obama according to Robert Gibbs:

And whilst they were eating, Obama took bread; and blessing, broke, and gave to them, and said: Take ye.  This is my body.  And having taken the wine, respectable wine not redneck whiskey, giving thanks, he gave it to them.  And they all drank of it.  And he said to them:  This is my blood of the new testament, which shall go into unsustainable debt for many.

“It seems incongruous that the simple words of Obama could be misconstrued” according to one Transubstantiationist.  Those believing in Consubstantiation counter that their doctrine is more “modern” and in keeping with recent scientific findings.

Despite the fact that feelings between the competing groups run high and bitterness remains, a recently concluded conference in Boston holds hopes for peace.

The so-called “Peace of Boston” states that all citizens living in Blue States will have to follow the communion favored by their Governor.  Hence, if the Governor of Vermont favors Consubstantiation all Transubstationationists in that state will be forced to leave to a State favoring their communion or, Obama forbid, a Red State.

“I don’t want to move to a Red State” said one frightened resident of Oregon.  “I hear they don’t even have Starbucks.  Those people are savages!”


1 Comment

One Response

  1. There’s another group, that believes in Anti-Constipation. They believe the bread and blood of Obama exists alongside yesterday’s dinner.

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