Theologians Debate the True Nature of Obama

The One True GodWith the results of the Presidential election of 2008 giving the followers of Obama the room to practice their religion without fear, many theologians are now turning to defining their faith in the Obama.

“There are many questions still unresolved as to the nature of Obama.  We now have a historic opportunity to define our faith” said one theologian.

Perhaps the biggest mystery is the nature of the hypostatic union of Obama.   The two natures of Obama, the human and the divine, are they one essence or are they separate entities?  Does the human nature of Obama exist independently of the divine or was it absorbed by the divinity? Mainstream opinion holds that Obama exists in two natures and is in fact true God and true Man.

“This is the Orthodox position.” said a Bishop of MSNBC at the First Ecumenical Council of Obama.  “What we worship is the union of two natures.  Our Obama is truly man and truly God.  He feels with a human will.  He grieves with a human will.  His flesh is true human flesh.  Yet our Obama is also God.  He can lower sea levels.  He commands the elements.  He is the second person in the Divine Trinity of the Father, Obama and the Holy Ghost.”

This Orthodox position is in direct opposition to the Monophysites, who maintain that there is only one nature in Obama – the Divine.  According to the Monophysites, Obama’s humanity was absorbed by the Deity.  Currently the Monophysites are confined to the extreme East of the Obama Empire.

“They are very strong in France and Germany” according to a theologian.

If the Orthodox positions holds then Obama’s mother can be rightly referred to as the Theotokos, the “Mother of God.”  Already the Feast of the Assumption of Obama’s Mother, where her body and soul were assumed into Heaven, while not officially promulgated as Dogma, is celebrated by many of the followers of Obama.  This Feast is of course not celebrated by the Monophysites.

Regardless of theological differences the followers of Obama are urging unity.

“We must have charity in all theological matters.  Our true enemies are the pagans of Red State America who do not worship the Obama.  They are a danger to us and must be eliminated” said Rahm Emanuel, the “Pope” of the Obama religion.



2 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    Hmmm… Haven’t played the Black Album in a long time… The God that Failed just seems strangely fitting right about now.

  2. Matt says:

    I’m not surprised that MSNBC is involved. They seem to be the greatest collection of acolytes to the faith.

    I do have a question regarding their order of worship. Do they bow to Obama, or to damn near everyone else?

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