It has stood for two millenium.  Now in ruins, a fragment of its former glory, Hadrian’s Wall on the northern border of England  is going to be rebuilt. “We realized we were sitting on a tourism goldmine.  Everyone wants to see the wall, such as it exists now.  So why not bring it back to […]

In perhaps the nadir of an already disappointing season, the New York Mets were defeated by the Vatican today. The Vatican was able to hold the Mets to 1 run and 3 hits thanks to a stellar performance by Vatican starting pitcher Anthony Cardinal Bevilaqua and a solid relief outing  by Edward Cardinal Egan. Coming […]

The first annual Depression Olympics has been postponed after hitting repeated snags.  The opening ceremonies were supposed to start at 9 A.M. with depressed athletes from around the globe marching into the Coliseum in Los Angeles.  However, the ceremonies started an hour late with only half the scheduled athletes marching. “We tried to round up […]

President Obama today gave his much heralded talk to schoolchildren across the United States.  Obama started by thanking the children of America for giving him the opportunity to talk to them and reminisced about his days as a child. “I know for many of you this is your first day of school.  There are many […]

Chanel, a wire-haired dachshund who at 21 years of age was credited as the oldest dog in the world has passed away.  She died quietly at her human companion’s home in Long Island surrounded by loved ones and one very happy cat. Recently Chanel had become depressed as old age cruelly stripped her of her […]

The Government-sponsored “Cash For Wives” program has been suspended because the program has run out of money. “We obviously goofed.  We weren’t anticipating such a huge volume of men who wanted to trade their wives in for cash” declared the Acting Deputy Administrator of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. “We had done such a […]

Many people criticize my hard-hitting investigative journalism, claiming that I “make the whole thing up.”  Others say “Poor Manhattan Infidel.  He’s off his meds again.”   Still others say “Manhattan Infidel, put your pants back on.”  Well, I now present evidence of my journalistic abilities. First, a link from my site dated May 21st 2009: […]

Tuesday August 26th 2040 Legendary NFL quarterback Brett Favre announced today that he will be unretiring for the 32nd time.  After playing with every franchise in the league, the 70-year old Favre has signed with the Sea of Tranquility Titans of the new NFL Moon League. Favre, who announced his retirement on May 13th from […]

In a surprise move, The Borg Collective  have assimilated TimeWarner. The Borg Collective, a race of cybernetically enhanced humanoid drones of various species run by a collective “hive mind” orchestrated a hostile takeover of Time Warner, the third largest media and entertainment conglomerate in the world.  At 9 A.M. TimeWarner employees were herded into a […]

In a stunning turn of events it has been revealed that Paradise has run out of virgins.  Kalif Shiek Ali, Director of Virgin Recruitment in Paradise made the announcement at a heavily attended press conference. “Look, our first priority has always been the comfort of our suicide bombers” a harried Ali said.  “And virgins seem […]