The Colosseum of Rome, officially known as the Flavian Amphitheater will be rebuilt, it was announced today. “It is with great pleasure that I announce  that the Flavian Amphitheater will be rebuilt” declared Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.  “It is an Italian treasure and I am proud to state that once again, after being rebuilt […]

Reacting to uproar over the assassination of President Lincoln, Ford’s Theater has announced a “complete overhaul” of their security procedures. “We should have seen this coming” said the Director of Ford’s Theater.  “What with our slogan and all.”  He is referring to Ford’s Theater’s official slogan of “Come for the play.  Stay for the assassination.  […]

A new study has found that a promising new vaginal gel reduces the risk of sexually transmitted disease, including HIV infection, 89%. A clinical trial of the new gel, dubbed, “Gooey Sticky Mess 4.0” has proven quite promising in trials between coeds and their sexual partners. Researchers at the microbiology department at the University of […]

Following up on an earlier promise I have investigated further the mystery of Jack Lord’s hair.  My research concentrated on three areas.  Specifically, What is the nature of Jack Lord’s hair?  Has Jack Lord’s hair ever manifested unexplained powers?  Can prayer to Jack Lord’s hair help in difficult moments? It appears from all available evidence […]

In a troubling reminder of the worst days of the 1980s when teenagers would go “wilding”, wreaking havoc on the citizenry, gangs of rogue mathematicians are refusing to show their work creating a new climate of fear. “I went to class this morning and the professor had written a math solution on the blackboard but […]

When John Baker bought a trendy five million dollar mansion on Long Island he thought it was a dream come true.  Instead he heard noises in the night and furniture that had been rearranged or gone missing. “I started hearing voices.  I was concerned that it might be ghosts” said Mr. Baker. “So I went […]

Last year in the United States approximately 3,000 people were abducted and probed by aliens, making it the third leading cause of unwanted probing behind only Star Trek conventions and the Jonas Brothers tour. As part of my award-winning series of useful information for my readers I now provide you with handy tips to avoid […]

I get many emails from people asking me my opinions on life.  They write me “Please, Manhattan Infidel, give us advice.  We trust you” or “Manhattan Infidel you have all the answers” or still yet “Manhattan Infidel, what part of restraining order don’t you understand?” Having already given advice on dating, marriage and fatherhood, I […]

NASA, the government organization that landed Americans on the moon has a new mission.  NASA administrator Charles Bolden announced that the  agency will now seek to “improve the self-esteem of Muslims, to reach out to the Muslim world and make them feel good about themselves.” The new program, dubbed “Ottoman Empire”  is set to have […]

The two opposing players met at half-court.  But instead of dribbling a basketball they locked arms and chanted “No tats, no peace!”  It was the NBA’s first pro-tattoo work stoppage. Earlier NBA Commissioner David Stern, reacting to recent bad publicity and plummeting ratings, had instituted a “tattoo cap” for all NBA teams.  Under the terms […]