Would you like fries with that?

Super villain Skeletor, archenemy of He-Man, has announced that he is taking a break from super villainry to open a Burger King Franchise in Poughkeepsie, New York.

“I’m not getting any younger” said the evil super villain.

And let’s face it. Being a super villain takes a lot out of you. There is plenty of intense physical activity. Lots of pain. I’ve broken three ribs, two toes and damaged my ACL trying to conquer Castle Grayskull. And it’s not like being a super villain comes with a great health insurance plan. Oh sure I’ve gone onto the state exchanges and shopped but why do I want to pay 750 dollars a month and why do I need coverage for abortions and gynecological care? And to top it off I find out I could have entered Castle Grayskull any time just by buying a membership? Screw this. That’s why I decided to go into the fast food business. I can be a good manager. Creating schedules for my employees. Making sure the fry maker is calibrated correctly. Occasionally filling in behind the counter. “Would you like fries with that?”  Easy money.

Still being a franchise owner was not without challenges for the former super villain.

One day I brought my constant companion, my evil sidekick Panthor. 

Panthor likes red meat!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was training this high school kid. First day on the job and all that you know. I turn my back for ten seconds and Panthor jumps over the counter and lunges for the kid’s throat. He must have punctured the carotid artery because the poor kid looked like Carrie at the prom. Blood everywhere. I guess I should have known better. Panthor likes fresh red meat. Anyway I had to call the kid’s parents and apologize for killing him on his first day on the job. The parents were pretty pissed at first but I bought them off with a membership to Castle Grayskull.  I haven’t heard from them since.  I’ve banned Panthor from the store for the protection of everybody. Panthor wasn’t happy but if I give him some extra food at home he’ll get over it.

Skeletor also had to adjust to the reams of paperwork that now came with being a franchise owner.

There are so many regulations. State. Federal. I’m just finding out about something called a “sales tax.”  Sounds like a scam to increase revenue for the state. Then again I feel that way about all taxes. I’m sorry I promised I wouldn’t get political but it’s high time we repealed the 16th amendment. And the 17. And the 19th while we’re at it. Women are crazy!  What’s with all the damn pussy hats? I may be a simple, humble super villain with a flashy sense of style but that is just weird.

Despite a few hiccups Skeletor remains confident that his franchise will be a money maker.

“My only worry is that He-Man will show up. But I hear he prefers Wendy’s. They do have great fries.  Hmm. I wonder how they are calibrating the fry maker?”

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