Look mom, I’m on TV!

There are things in this world which are very rare, such as perfect games in Major League Baseball. There are things in this world which never happen such as Manhattan Infidel being abducted and used sexually by the Swedish Volleyball Team. And then there are all-too common experiences such as an NFL player being arrested for “domestic violence”,  also known as beating the everlasting shit out of one of the bitches who has had one of your children.

And so once again I now present my Revised and Extended NFL Malfeasance Template™ starring the very busy Reuben Foster.

San Francisco 49 linebacker Reuben Foster was cut from the team after being arrested in the team hotel in Tampa after a domestic violence accusation was leveled against him. Seeing that he was previously arrested in April on the same charge and the 49’ers had threatened to release him if he gets into further trouble, the question is, why would he do it again?

1. My agent said that if I get arrested three time I can get into Disney World for free
2. That’s a racist question
3. Cut me some slack!  My grandmother was a slave who picked cotton in the heat for 16 hours every day!
4. I blame the Jews!

So it’s the Jews fault?

1. Dirty, thieving Kikes!
2. The Jews brought over the first slaves to America!
3. I had a Jewish landlord once and he was always nagging me to pay my rent!
4. Jews keep raising the rates of the hookers I go to!

Seriously. Why did you do it? Why would you jeopardize your NFL career?

1. Everyone needs a hobby. I like beating up women
2. My mother was a slave!  What? I already said that?  Well, racism, bitch!
3. Bitch birthed me a girl. I don’t want no damn girl
4. Jews! What?  I already said that?  Well it never gets old. Damn dirty, thieving Kikes!

You’ve been released by the 49’ers. What’s next for you?

1. I play in the NFL, whitey. One of the other teams will take my contract
2. Domestic violence is good and all but I’ve grown bored with it. I’m thinking of moving on to rape
3. Robbing some guy at knife point for the 20 dollars in his wallet and using it to buy crack cocaine?
4. Daily anal rape in jail? Hey, that doesn’t sound like fun. Unless I’m on top that is. But that’s just common sense!

And so ends yet another NFL Malfeasance Template™.  And the NFL wonders why its ratings are going down quicker than former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick on a seminarian.

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