We are almost done counting absentee ballots.

Ten months after the hotly contested senatorial election between former governor Rick Scott and Senator Bill Nelson the Broward County Board of Elections has promised that its counting of absentee ballots is “Almost finished. No Really. Just back off white boy. Don’t rush us.”

“I know you white boys want us to finish this. But unlike you we care about our Democracy” said the County Supervisor for Elections, Dr. Brenda Snipes.

Things like this take time. And if we are going to make sure a Democrat gets elected despite having less votes we have to make sure everything looks okay. It’s a complicated process. It takes time to destroy thousands of ballots and create new ones for the Democratic candidate. We can’t rush this. We tried rushing it before and you know what happened then.

Snipes is referring to the 2012 Senate race when, after four weeks of counting absentee ballots, Flipper

The fish that would be senator

was declared the winner.

Personally I thought Flipper would have made a great senator. He’s a fish of color, which would make him sympathetic to the Democratic socialist platform. He’s good on camera. And he rarely humps women when they get into the water with him. And that couldn’t be said about Rick Nelson or his opponent in 2012. But the Feds said something fishy, no pun intended, was going on. Flipper wasn’t even on the ballot. What can I say? Sometimes when you’re destroying ballots and transferring them by rental truck things happen. I mean Broward County cares about fish representation in congress.

Despite Snipes protestations that all is going according to law and procedure many in Broward County have their doubts about the process.

“I sent in an absentee ballot and voted for the Republican candidate” said one County resident.

I didn’t think anything about it. It’s how our democracy works. But a few days later the Creature from the Black Lagoon 

Just another Broward County enforcer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

shows up at my door and starts slapping me across the face.  “Voting Republican eh?  Nice house you got here. Shame if something were to  happen to it.” Then he kidnapped my wife 

This is what happens to the wives of those who dissent

 

 

 

 

 

and took her to his underwater cave where he had his way with her. I mean it’s almost like they are trying to silence dissent. I miss my wife. I mean she came back and all but left me a short time later. She told me “Once you’ve had the Creature from the Black Lagoon you never go back.”

Despite stories such as this, which Snipes says is just an example of “white people always complaining about something” the County Board of Elections promises a fair and impartial count of all absentee ballots.

*************************************************************************************************************

Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

*************************************************************************************************************

Due to 70,000 absentee ballots being marked for write-in candidate Horatio Caine

Oh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

of the Miami CSI, Republican candidate Rick Scott’s lead has shrunk, mandating an automatic recount.

“Personally I would have written in Flipper’s name again. He’d be a much better senator than that whitey Caine” said Snipes.

(17)