Former actor Alec “Fists of Fury” Baldwin leaves an NYPD precinct after being booked

In the week since superstar actor out of work fat asshole Alec Baldwin was arrested (yet again) for punching someone (yet again) many in the Manhattan Infidel Universe have asked me to provide my feelings on this important subject Baldwin is an asshole or did I already mention that?

Famous superstar bitter old man Alec Baldwin was arrested in NYC for 

• Punching someone over a parking spot
• Punching someone for being a Republican
• Punching someone because he just realized how far his career has sunk since he played Jack Ryan in The Hunt for Red October
• Punching someone for being a serf and not recognizing a superior being when he sees one

What has been the world’s reaction to this incident?

• Shock
• Amazement
• Indifference
• New York City has parking spaces?

Wait. New York City has parking spots?

• Yes. A few
• You’d think with a population of 12 million we’d have more, don’t you?
• I mean Christ I spent an hour going around the f*cking block looking for a spot
• I hear Staten Island has parking spots but I’m not driving all the way out to f*cking Staten Island to park my car

There must be a lot of competition for the few available parking spots

• You ever see Mad Max? It’s like that but only with parking spots not gasoline
• When my wife divorced me she got custody of the kids, the house and the parking spot. The only thing that hurt was losing the parking spot
• It’s a little known New York City law that if you injure and/or kill someone while fighting over a parking spot the most you can get is a 100 dollar fine
• GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PARKING SPOT YOU MONKEY-FACED C*CKSUCKER!

So maybe we should have some sympathy for Mr. Baldwin?

• Definitely. We are all human
• I’ve personally seen a tiny woman snap a linebacker’s neck when he took her parking spot so yeah sympathy is called for
• The only thing we should wonder at is that he showed such restraint
• Nah. Dude’s still an asshole

What can we learn from this incident?

• We are all weak and human nature is fallen
• Get the f*ck out of my parking spot you asshole!
• Seriously. Take your f*cking gas-guzzling SUV and go back to the suburbs. We don’t need you here
• New York City needs more parking spots. Capish?  Shame if you end up sleeping with the fishes

Sadly, even if New York adopts a “Marshall Plan” to build a million more parking spots Alec Baldwin will still be an asshole. Some things the government simply cannot change.

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