Electoral college? Is that a private school?

From time to time I get requests from people to write a guest post no that has never happened. And so in keeping with the time-honored tradition of opening up Manhattan Infidel to other voices again I want to stress that literally no one has  asked to write a guest post probably because I have a readership of two and one of them is my mother I now present An Open Letter from Hollywood Legend Barbra Streisand.

Take it away Barbra!

My fellow Americans:

How does this happen?  How does Hillary Clinton lose an election? Here was a woman who was so articulate, so experienced, so compassionate. So willing to forgive her husband’s infidelity. That’s more than I would do. I remember once chasing Eliot Gould around the house with a butcher knife threatening to cut his penis off. All because he preferred sex with women with smaller noses. But I digress.

Here we are in 2018. Donald Trump is president. He’s not as articulate as Hillary. He’s not as experienced as Hillary. He’s not as compassionate as Hillary.

I am in tears. I am numb. And not just from the plastic surgery to hide my 78 years. Hillary got 2.9 million more votes than Trump and she’s not the president.

This antiquated Electoral College doesn’t sit well with me.  I’ve talked to all my Hollywood friends and no one can find the Electoral College on a map. I thought I knew all the private schools. But we don’t know where it is. Probably in one of those fly-over states. I’ve never been to them. No civilized person has.

But back to my point. This Electoral College doesn’t sit well with me. Why should people from a private college decide who is President?  The people should decide! That’s what our aristocracy is all about!

You know what else doesn’t sit well with me? Dairy products! My doctor says I’m lactose intolerant. We should all be lactose tolerant. Because tolerance is tolerating!

Anyway even though my doctor told me no dairy products one day I just had to have some ice cream. So I got some lactose-free chocolate ice cream and ate it all. It said lactose free so I thought I was safe. But I tell you the next day I was pooping up a storm. Wide poop too. Nearly shredded my anus. Just like Donald Trump has shredded our Constitution.

That’s why for Election Day tomorrow you should vote for the Democrats! Vote for what they want their country to look like and feel like and be like. Democrats are tolerant. But unlike lactose-free ice cream they don’t shred my anus.

Speaking of shredding my anus the other day I was chasing my current husband, James Brolin, around the house with a butcher knife threatening to cut his penis off when he turned to me and said, “Babs, let’s remember the common enemy – the Republicans. They aren’t compassionate like you are!”

I thought “Yeah, he’s right.” So I stopped and didn’t cut his penis off with a butcher knife. But now that I think about it maybe that was a trick of his to get me to not cut his penis off.

But anyway back to what I was talking about: Vote Democrat tomorrow!

And if anyone knows of any lactose-free ice cream that won’t shred my anus please hit me up.

Barbra

Thanks Babs. I’m sure all of my readers will give your advice the respect it deserves.

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