Warning: Blue wave may not live up to expectations

With the crucial who gives a shit midterms less than a week away I have the pleasure today of interviewing none other than the famous “Blue Wave”  himself.

MI: Good afternoon Blue Wave.

BW:  Nice to be here. But please, call me Mr. Blue Wave. I am better than you after all.

MI: Um. Okay. Anyway while none of us can predict the future the smart money says that come Tuesday you, the Blue Wave, will lead the Democrats back into power as they retake the House and Senate. Care to comment on this?

BW: Yes, well the Blue Wave, that being me, is unstoppable. I, the Blue Wave, and the Democrats, represent all that is best in America. We are the brightest. We are the most educated. We are the most forward thinking. We are not racist and appreciate peoples of color, unlike those racist Republicans. Is it any wonder why I am unstoppable? Why wouldn’t anyone vote Democrat next week? If for no other reason voting Democrat will make one feel good about themselves.

MI:You do have a high opinion about yourself, don’t you?

BW: As I pointed out I represent the well-mannered, well-bred coastal elite of America. Why wouldn’t I have a good opinion about myself?

MI:That’s a good point. Though some say you are arrogant, condescending and look down on those in the so-called flyover states.

BW: Why wouldn’t I look down on those contemptible people?  Overweight, gap-toothed, gun-toting, bible-thumping, uneducated white people is all they are.

[The Blue Wave moves backward from Manhattan Infidel]

MI: Anything wrong?  

BW: Nothing. I just don’t want people like you to touch people like me.

[The Blue Wave moves backward yet again]

MI:  I see. Let’s play Devil’s Advocate here for a second and give the reasons why one would vote Republican. The economy is in good shape. Record unemployment. Record employment in the black community. All these seem like good reasons to doubt the Blue Wave.

BW: [Stammering] What? This is ridiculous. Jobs? Why would that be good? It just makes one a wage slave. Wouldn’t the black community be happier getting handouts from a benevolent and paternalistic white father figure in Washington?

MI:  Um.

[The Blue Wave continues to move backward]

MI: I don’t know. It seems jobs would be pretty important to how someone decides to vote. A job, the ability to provide for your family, is everything.

[The Blue Wave moves backward]

BW: How do jobs provide for one’s family?  Let me tell you something. I’ve been to Harvard. I run a multi-million dollar foundation. I am on a first name basis with many in Hollywood. And I’ve provided pretty well for myself and my family without ever having a job. Well, I don’t have a family, thanks to legalized abortion. So don’t give me any crap about a job.

MI: But a job can increase one’s self-esteem.

BW: Self-esteem? Why would I need self-esteem?  I’m elite! Only little people need self-esteem.

[The Blue Wave moves backward]

MI: Are you okay? You seem to be receding.

BW: You bitter clingers make me sick!

[The Blue Wave disappears]

MI: Hello? Where’d he go?

Well that was certainly odd. One minute he was right in front of me, larger than life. And the next minute he totally disappeared.

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