My Exclusive Interview with Whoopi Goldberg’s Vagina

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Get out of my vagina!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today at Manhattan Infidel™  I have the honor of interviewing none other than Whoopi Goldberg’s lady parts. Specifically her vagina.

After being surgically reduced to a quarter inch in length I was inserted into Miss Goldberg’s vagina to begin my interview.

MI: Good afternoon, um, what do I call you?

WGV: I prefer to be called Goldie’s Va-va-jay.

MI: Um. Okay Goldie’s Va-va jay.  Anyway you were in the news recently when after Justice Kennedy’s retirement Whoppie went on The View and stated that she didn’t want the Supreme Court to “take her rights away” and that they should “Stay out of her vagina.”  As the vagina in question do you have any comment on this?

WGV: Well as you may know Whoopi and I work very closely together. What’s good for one is good for the other.

MI: I see.

WGV: Except when I sometimes queef when she’s on the air. She doesn’t like that.

MI: Queef?

WGV: Yes. The expelling of air from one’s vagina. All women do it. Just usually not on the air where cameras can pick it up.

MI: Okay. Back to Whoopi’s assertion that she doesn’t want the Supreme Court in her vagina.

WGV: Whoopi feels very strongly that the Supreme Court should not be in her vagina. Or anyone for that matter. No one should enter her vagina. I support this.

MI: I’m sorry. What’s that smell?

WGV:  Smell?

MI: Yeah, it smells like rotten eggs.

WGV: Oh that’s the sulfur.

MI: Sulfur?

WGVYes. Since we both feel very strongly that no one should be in her vagina, that being me, I produce sulfur as a protective device. That way if anyone should enter Whoopi’s vagina they would be destroyed.

MI:  Oh my god. Am I in danger?

WGV: No you’re safe. Just don’t touch my walls or you’ll disintegrate.

MI: I won’t. Um. The sulfur is overpowering. Are you sure I’m not in danger.

WGV: No danger. The only danger is to myself. As you see the sulfur has destroyed most of my walls. What were once firm and tight vaginal walls are loose and crumbling. In fact my vaginal walls failed a recent safety test. Between you and me that’s why I think Whoopi doesn’t want anyone in her vagina. It’s embarrassment over the loose and wide condition of her vaginal walls. My walls. That and the sulfur smell.

[Whoopi Goldberg enters her vagina] 

GET OUT OF MY VAGINA!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WG: GET OUT OF MY VAGINA!

WGV: Please Whoopi. I invited him in. He only wants to ask some questions.

WG: NO ONE EVER SPEAKS TO MY VAGINA!

MI: Miss Goldberg I only have a few questions to ask and then I will never enter your vagina again.

WG: TOO LATE!  YOU HAVE DESECRATED MY VAGINA! VAGINA OF MINE, DISSOLVE HIM IN SULFER!

WGV: But Whoopi I promised him safe passage in and out of me.

WG:  I DON’T CARE. YOU WORK FOR ME NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. NOW DISSOLVE HIM IN ACID OR I’LL GET THAT SEX CHANGE I’VE BEEN THREATENING. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. YOU’LL BECOME A DICK.

WGV: Yes, Miss Goldberg. I will produce more sulfur.

MI: Wait no. No!  I’m a reporter and demand that my rights be respected. Under the Geneva Convention being dissolved in sulfur inside a vagina is prohibited.

[Manhattan Infidel begins to dissolve]

MI: Help me! Help me!  Ban assault vaginas!

Okay, the less we say about this the better. I can honestly say I never want to see Whoopi’s vagina again. And I’ll never look at another egg again without vomiting.

And this is not fake news. I only report the facts. Don’t believe me?

Get out of my vagina!

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