Be afraid! Be very afraid!

The Kardashians, that terrorist group of men-hating destroyers, have struck again.

In the wake of Bruce Jenner’s decision to become Caitlyn Jenner, Lamar Odom, former NBA player and estranged wife of Chloe Kardashian, was found naked and unresponsive with “blood and white stuff” coming out of his nose.

Source report that Odom checked into the Love Ranch brothel outside of Las Vegas and spent over $75,000 on cocaine and performance enhancing sexual supplements when he was found unconscious by an employee.  Sensitive to the needs of the Kardashian family at this difficult time yet as a blogger needing to report the facts I now present the 911 call that was placed after Odom was found.

911: 911 how may I assist you?

Brothel employee:  Yea I work at the Love Ranch brothel and we have a client here, Lamar Odom, the basketball player, who is unresponsive.  I’ve tried waking him but he won’t wake up!

911:  So he’s self-identifying as unconscious?

Brothel employee: Um yeah. Like I said he’s unconscious. There’s blood and white and pink stuff coming out of his nose. I can’t wake him up!

911: Why are you trying to wake him up sir?

Brothel employee: He’s unconscious.  I’m trying to save his life.  Please help me.

911: I would let him remain unconscious.  Self-identity is a tricky thing. He’s married to a Kardashian right?  Well Bruce Jenner lived his entire life as a man but always self-identified as a woman. and now he is one.  He’s happier.  Perhaps Odom has lived his entire life as an unconscious person trapped in the body of a conscious person. Perhaps now he finally has the courage to come out and be the unconscious person he always wanted to be. Can you pull his pants down a little and check his penis?

Brothel employee: If you thing it’ll help.  

[Checks Odom’s penis}

Brothel employee:  His penis looks okay. Is this important?

911:  No. Gender is a bourgeois construct.

Brothel employee: Just send an ambulance will you?

911: Sir I’m going to have to ask you to remain calm.

Brothel employee: I am calm.  Just send an ambulance.

911: Sir if I understand you correctly you want us to send a car that self-identifies as an ambulance?

Brothel employee: I don’t care if you send a horse just send something!

911: Sir I am not aware of any horses that self-identify as ambulances.

Brothel employee: Send something dammit! 

911: Sir all our cars self-identifying as ambulances are on calls at the moment. 

Brothel employee: F*ck it.  I’ll drive him to a hospital myself.

There you have it.  Definitive proof that the Kardashians are harmful to those self-identifying as belonging to the male gender.

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Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news 

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Kanye West, rapper and husband of Kim Kardashian has gone into hiding.

“I self-identify as alive and I want to stay that way” said Kanye.

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