Zeus Laments Neutering His Kraken!

Zeus' kraken before he was neutered.

Zeus ‘Kraken before he was neutered.

Zeus, King of the Gods of Mt. Olympus and Lord of the Sky and Thunder is seeking to sell his kraken after having him neutered.

“I thought it would make him more manageable” Zeus told his young assistant, Ganymede.

I mean don’t get me wrong.  Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of Mount Olympus, having a good Kraken is often useful. For disciplinary purposes you understand. Sometimes I have to kick ass. And Krakens are good at that. But he was becoming unmanageable.

Zeus is referring to his Kraken’s habit of marking his territory.

He kept peeing all over the furniture. My throne has Kraken pee on it.  My bed had Kraken pee on it. My wife and mistresses were marked as well.  Soon all of Olympus smelled like Kraken pee. I mean I’m the God of  Thunder.  How am I supposed to inspire terror in mortals when every time I visit them they wrinkle their noses and complain that I smell like ammonia? 

Acting on the advice of Olympus’s top veterinarian Zeus decided to have his Kraken neutered.

I was told that after I had him neutered he would become more manageable and would stop marking his territory. Well let’s just say the surgery worked a little too well.

At first Zeus was happy with the results of the surgery.

It was great. No more marking territory. No more humping the legs of the lesser Gods. For the first time in years Olympus smelled great. It smelled almost like teen spirit.

But eventually the negative effects of the surgery became apparent.

I wanted him manageable. Not impotent. But after the surgery he was useless against my enemies. I’d send him off to kick some ass and all he would do was curl up on their laps and sleep. He, and by extension, me, became jokes.  My enemies would send my Kraken back with a note that said, “We love him. Kids love him. Can we keep him?” I was starting to look ridiculous and a God in my position cannot afford to be made to look ridiculous.

Seeing no options Zeus decided to sell his Kraken.

I called some of the Gods in Valhalla and asked them if they needed a Kraken. When they asked me what a Kraken was I told them it was a man eating monster. They liked that and bought him. No need to tell them that he’s been fixed. They’ve already paid me anyway the Norwegian bastards.

Still, Zeus admits selling his Kraken was rough.

When it came time to deliver him to his new owners he looked at me with his big Kraken eyes and rubbed himself against my legs. Then he coughed up a fur ball. I teared up a little bit. Still, it had to be done.

As for the future security of Olympus Zeus is considering his options.

“I heard the Slomin’s Shield is pretty good.”



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