Manhattan Infidel Discusses How to Be a Modern Man

Don't believe the New York Times. Only Manhattan infidel knows how to be  a modern man

Don’t believe the New York Times. Only Manhattan infidel knows how to be a modern man

Last week the New York Times (the paper of the Democratic Party record) ran a piece on how to be a modern man.  The piece was widely mocked.  Do not listen to them.  Only Manhattan Infidel knows how to be a modern man. And that is what I am going to share with my readers.

  • When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse he doesn’t have to ask her what her size is

This is true. I don’t have to ask my spouse what her size is.  Mainly because I don’t have a spouse. I spend the time I’m not at work lying on my couch eating potato chips.  If some fall, the cat will eat them. But I suppose for those of you who do have a spouse you could try taping her shoe size to the TV.  That way when you are watching football and she asks to buy new shoes you’ll have the size handy.

  • The modern man never lets others know when his confidence is sunk

There is no need to. When you are staggering home from a bar after closing time and every women in the bar, everyone, even the women with penises, have turned you down it’s pretty self evident that your confidence is sunk.  Not that this has ever happened to Manhattan Infidel.  I’ve never left a bar at closing time. Several hours after closing time, yes.

  • The modern man is considerate.  At the movie theater he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn at a quiet time

The modern man in the movie theater keeps his popcorn on his lap, with a hole in the bottom. He will have his woman reach into the bag.  He’s considerate that way.  It’s all about her needs.

  • The modern man does not cut the charred or fatty bits off his fillet. Every bit of steak is a privilege

The modern man hasn’t had steak or eaten out in years.  His place is lined with empty pizza boxes.  Because if you’re not eating pizza for dinner and cold pizza for breakfast and lunch then there is something wrong with you. Oh sure, women might look askance at this.  When they do just give their shoe size that you have taped above the TV, fifty dollars and tell them to go shopping.

  • The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping into the shower

What is this showering crap?  It only takes time away from my Google search for Asian lesbians who like white men. Who blog.  Who do not make much money.  Who live in apartments. Apartments filled with empty pizza boxes.

  • The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet

The modern man follows porn stars on Twitter and sends them pictures of his penis. Because that’s what women want. That and empty pizza boxes.

  • The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door.  That way if an intruder gets in he can fight him off while his wife escapes

The modern man is also a feminist. Screw that shit. Let her take care of the intruder. Besides, he’s probably going to trip over the empty pizza boxes lining the hallway anyway. That’ll wake me up and give me time to call 911 and wait an hour for police to arrive. Because the modern man has faith to place his security in the hands of the state.

  • The modern man does not own a gun. He has no use for one

Well technically I do but the terms of my parole won’t let me buy a gun. Besides, the State will protect me. I bet the local police precinct has lots of empty pizza boxes.

  • The modern man cries.  A lot

Only on Sunday when his football team loses. Also when his Viagra does not take effect quick enough to satisfy the neighbor’s daughter. I mean sure she’s only 16 but she really needs the warm, gentle touch of an older man.

So readers, now you know how to be a modern man. It’s easy. All that is required is bookmarks filled with Asian lesbian sites, pizza boxes and selfies of your private parts. You’ll thank me later.


One Response

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Unlike the old bastards in the mob the modern man vomits after commiting homocide

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