To boldly go where no man has gone before. Oh, and stay away from green women

Star Fleet has decided to become proactive regarding the scandal of green women that threatens its very existence.

“We’ve ignored it for too long” said a Star Fleet executive.

We’ve known about this for awhile but have turned the other way. You know. Men in space. Boys will be boys. Let them have some fun. But we can no longer ignore the fact that our officers’ obsessions with green women is having a serious impact on fleet productivity. I mean either all officers get them some green women or none do.

Beware! VD is not your friend!

 For some to know that others are travelling the “green highway” while they aren’t is leading to serious morale erosion.

The long-simmering problems reached a crisis point during a recent mission by the Enterprise.

They were supposed to be negotiating a mining treaty with the local inhabitants. Not only did they not do that but its officers all contracted VD. The Enterprise’s Captain, James Kirk, sent selfies of his penis to most of the green women on the planet, which I don’t have to tell you is almost as serious a violation of Star Fleet rules as smoking.

So many picture were sent that Star Fleet had to dedicate a separate server to pictures of Kirk’s penis.

Our resources are limited so we had to reduce the size of Star Fleet employee’s mailboxes just to accommodate the evidence of Kirk’s manhood. I don’t have to tell you our employees were angry. They started hacking into the server and taking images of Kirk’s penis and sending it to executives with the words “have a nice day.”

Kirk wasn’t the only officer on board the Enterprise caught up in the throes of green fever. Its chief medical officer Leonard McCoy was caught on tape having an encounter with one.

Green woman: Why don’t you take off all your clothes and get on all fours.

McCoy: Dammit woman I’m a doctor not a contortionist.

Their logical and unemotional First Officer, Mr. Spock was also involved.

Green woman: Would you like me to take my top off?

Spock: To remove one’s outer layer of clothing and expose one’s skin to the sun is highly illogical.

Green woman: Okay you’re ruining the mood sparky. 

Hoping to end the problem once and for all, Star Fleet Human Resources sent out a memo to all officers asking them to refrain from green women activity and expanding the Prime Directive.  A portion of the document follows:

As you know Star Fleet prides itself on contact with other species. However that cannot include contact of a sexual nature as it may lead to cultural misunderstandings. Henceforth the Prime Directive shall read “Star Fleet shall not interfere with the natural progression of indigenous cultures. This includes but is not limited to contact with green women.  Any officer who is caught with a green woman will be written up and demerits placed in their personnel file.”

Despite Star Fleet’s hopes of curbing the problem many officers say they will continue to visit green women.

Who can resist?

“Once you’ve gone green you never go back” said Captain Kirk.

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