Being the successful world famous blogger that I am my time is often taken up hanging around high schools and asking the girls if they are in to it researching current events.

Like most people who read this blog I have been following Olivia Wilde and peeking into her bedroom window the saga of presidential candidate Hillary Clinton and her private emails.

Because of the massive amount of emails (over 55,000 pages) I decided to choose one thread that I think best offers a glimpse into the inner workings of our next president:

From:  H <hrod17@clintonemail.com>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 14;53:30

To:  Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Subject:  Where the fuck is my documents folder?

I logged into a computer.  It’s not the one I’m usually logged into.  I can’t find my desktop items or my documents folder.  Plus the guy in the cubicle next to me asked me if I want to see pictures of his penis!

 

From: Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 14:57:22

To:  H <Hrod17>@clintonemail.com

Subject:  Re: Where the fuck is my documents folder?

I don’t know where.  Have you looked in the my documents folder?  And that guy who wants to show you his penis.  It’s not my husband is it?

 

From:  H <hrod17@clintonemail.com>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:08:06

To:  Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Subject:  Re: Re: Where the fuck is my documents folder?

No.  I don’t think so.  He smells better.  Kinda like Eric Holder after taking a shower with lifebuoy soap.  He’s dreamy. I think he likes me.  The other day at a cabinet meeting he looked right at me. His eyes saw into my soul.  I quivered like a young lesbian at Wellesley College.

 

From: Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:12:17

To:  H <Hrod17>@clintonemail.com

Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Where the fuck is my documents folder?

So it’s not Anthony? Good. I have to monitor his iCloud account now. He’ showing his penis to everyone but me!  But back to your issue. Were you able to find your my documents folder?

 

From:  H <hrod17@clintonemail.com>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:14:42

To:  Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Where the fuck is my documents folder?

I don’t know.  I give up.  I hate PCs.  They are like men.  They never work and they have bulges in all the wrong places.  I prefer Macintoshes.  They are like women. Soft. Smooth. A pleasure to touch and look at. And like women they never go down! Going down violates my feminist integrity and I never do it. Bill said it’s why he seeks out interns. I don’t like Bill. He doesn’t smell like Lifebuoy soap.

 

From: Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:15:38

To:  H <Hrod17>@clintonemail.com

Subject:  Re: Re: Re Re: Re: Where the fuck is my documents folder?

If you can’t find the my document folder then ask the help desk.  That’s what they’re there for.  Have you gotten any emails from Anthony?  I haven’t heard from him in a few hours and I’m getting suspicious.

 

From:  H <hrod17@clintonemail.com>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:18:19

To:  Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Where the fuck is my documents folder?

I’ll check my blackberry.  Yeah, I got one from him.  Eww. So that’s what a penis looks like. Bill once asked me to touch his.  I ran into the bathroom, locked the door and threw up. Penises are scary. I think Putin has a penis. He’s scary too! He’s not dreamy like Holder is. Did I tell you about my dream?  The one with Holder in it?

 

From: Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:20:42

To:  H <Hrod17>@clintonemail.com>

Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Where the fuck is my documents folder?

Oh do tell girl! You’re dreaming about him too?

 

From:  H <hrod17@clintonemail.com>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:22:33

To:  Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Where the fuck is my documents folder?

He was riding a white horse and he picked me up and put me on the back of his horse. He then took me to his castle that had plenty of shoes and I was able to watch Lifetime  and The View all day! I didn’t even have to touch his penis.

 

From: Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:26:51

To:  H <Hrod17>@clintonemail.com>

Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Re: Re: Where the fuck is my documents folder?

That is so romantic!  The only thing missing were some sparkling vampires.  Oh, and there is a cabinet meeting at 4 o’clock.

 

From:  H <hrod17@clintonemail.com>

Sent:  Wed Dec 23 2009 15:29:07

To:  Abedin, Huma <AbedinH@state.gov>

Subject:  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Where the fuck is my documents folder?

They were all talking about a meeting a four. I thought they were going to a strip club.  I hate cabinet meetings.  All the nasty men look at me. They all probably want me to touch their penis.  I don’t like it when men stare at me.  Except for Holder. I gave him my private number.  I hope he calls. I’m going to stay home by the phone tonight.

This admittedly brief collection from Hillary’s 55,000 pages of emails gives us a clear indication of what her priority will be as our next president: 1) Making sure no asks her to touch their penis and 2) staying by the phone in case Eric Holder calls.

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