Yankees Beat Oakland (The Chinese Stock Market Edition)

“Are they letting ethnic types in the game now?” ~ Billy Martin

A baseball stadium in the middle of the Bronx?

A baseball stadium in the middle of the Bronx?

On an oppressively humid and rain-filled night in the Bronx (hey, Innominatus quit sending us your left coast rain forest weather) that saw the return of Jacoby Ellsbury and Andrew Miller from stints on the DL the Yankees battled the Philadelphia, Kansas City, Oakland Athletics.

The Yankees started CC Sabathia (4-8 5.47) and the Athletics Scott Kazmir (5-5 2.49).

CC fortunately for the Yankees pitched like the fat CC of old (pictured here)

CC Sabathia in his prime.

CC Sabathia in his prime.

and not the fat CC of new or the skinny CC of new.

Oakland scored first.  Billy Butler led off the second with a double. After Brett Lawrie singled Butler was picked off in a rundown 6-2-5 trying to score. Josh Phegley then singled home Lawrie.  Mark Canha, the next batter up then singled home John Smolinski who had reached on a fielder’s choice.  2-0 Oakland after 1 1/2.

In the top of the fourth Mark “All Star” Teixeira on a 1-2 count hit a towering home run that almost landed in the bleachers to my right.  As you can see in this photo the mysterious blogger known as Manhattan Infidel, still in his blue work attire, just above the “O” in the Modells.com sign

I approve!

I approve!

looks on approvingly.  Chris Young then walked and John Ryan Murphy singled. Young then stole third on defensive indifference  and a pitch later Murphy stole second. Jose Pirela then hit a sac fly.  3-2 Yankees after four.

In the top of the sixth Mark “Gluten Free” Teixeira led off again and hit his second home run of the game.  4-2 Yankees after six.

In the bottom of the eighth Steven Drew homered to right field.  5-2 Yankees after eight.  (This home run would prove to be the game winner.)

Andrew Miller came in for relief in the top of the ninth and proved rusty from his layoff, giving up a two run home run to Marcus Semien.  Final score Yankees 5 Oakland 4.

Notes on the game:

Oakland starter Scott Kazmir left after three innings. Rumor has it he had invested the entire Oakland payroll in the Chinese stock market and wanted to skip town before he had the shit beat out of him by his teammates.

It was Pete Best appreciation night at the stadium.  The Yankees value their relationship with Pete Best and the first 18,000 in attendance were personally fired by Paul McCartney.

Okay, so maybe not.  It was actually Dellin Betances bobblehead doll night.

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of “The blossoms of the apricot blow from the east to the west, And I have tried to keep them from falling” didn’t fire up the crowd.  Savage baseball fans!

It was raining as I arrived at the stadium, as this picture shows.

The saddest sight ever, except perhaps Olivia Wilde with another man

The saddest sight ever, except perhaps Olivia Wilde with another man

Tarp on the infield.  The saddest sight ever.  Except perhaps for my pay stub.

Reader mail:

A.P of Poughkeepsie writes, “I’m expanding my business.  Where did I get the money? The Chinese stock market of course!”

What could possibly go wrong.

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “Thanks to sound investments in the Chinese stock market I am expanding the pit in my back yard where I bury the prostitutes.”

Hey, don’t you know that digging a hole in your back yard is illegal?

L.T. of New York writes, “The Chinese Stock Market? I saw the DVD.  The production values were excellent.”

You filthy beast!

This my last game before the All Star break.  The Yankees are in first place.  Then again it is the AL East.  84 wins will get you the division.  Still, this is better than I had expected from them. But how long are we going to continue to trot out Stephen Drew.  Even though he hit the game winner today it’s July and he isn’t even batting the interstate. For god’s sake he’s not even batting the Mendoza line.  Bring up Refsnyder from AAA.

Recommended reading material:

“The Chinese Stock Market? I hate it almost as much as America!” by Ariana Grande.

My record stands at 5-2 this year.  My next game is Sunday July 19th against the Seattle Mariners and Robinson “My tummy hurts” Cano.

Go Yankees!



4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    In every corner of the Dominican nation of Washington Heights, NY, and Union City, NJ, the fans can be heard screaming da chankees wing mang.

  2. Petermc3 says:

    I ain’t no good at building no walls yo!

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