From the Manhattan Infidel Future Archives: U.S. Sells California to Mexico

The new Northern Province of Mexico

The new Northern Province of Mexico

Dateline 2019

In a historic deal, President Bernie Sanders (pictured here)

Socialism is my sanity

Socialism is my sanity

sold the state of California to Mexico for the price of our entire national debt.

“This is a great day” declared the president.

In one fell swoop my administration has committed an act of long-overdue social justice and, for the sake of conservatives, eliminated our national debt. By selling California to Mexico we have rectified an injustice committed by this racist country when we took it from Mexico in the first place.  Also, on a practical level, since most of the population of Mexico already lives in California we are just acknowledging a fact. And, as I previously stated, Mexico will be paying a lot of money, which I insisted they pay us in Euros, that will eliminate our debt and make right wing white Christian conservatives happy. I want to say thank you to the former United States citizens in California and I thank them for their service.

As for how Mexico will come up with the 18 trillion dollar price for California, the President of Mexico (pictured here)

Ay Carumba!

Ay Carumba!

vows to use the proceeds gathered from Mexico’s many drug cartels and selling photos of Selma Hayek in the shower.

The majority of California residents support the change in ownership.

“Why would I want to be known as an American” declared San Francisco mayor Ed Lee “When I can be known as a Mexican. As long as the Mexicans don’t come to San Francisco that is.  We have rules here.”

The Governor of California, former actress Rose McGowan (pictured here)

STOP OBJECTIFYING ME!

STOP OBJECTIFYING ME!

expressed delight at the events.

Mexico is a country.  It is to our south. But now that we are part of Mexico it will no longer be to the south of us. At least that’s what my advisers tell me. And Mexico is filled with Mexicans. And Mexicans are peoples of color, which means they love peace and live in harmony with nature. And I for one and proud to be associated with people who used to be on our south who love peace and live in harmony with nature. Now finally that we are part of a peace loving nation people will stop objectifying me.  Hollywood is very racist and the white men who run it like to objectify me.  Stop looking at me!  

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU WHITE RAPIST!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU WHITE RAPIST!

The deal was not without its opponents, many whom worried that their car insurance will rise.

“I know stereotypes are bad” said one person who wished to remain anonymous. “But Mexicans can’t drive for shit. Seriously.”

Mexico is expected to take full possession of California sometime after the 2020 election.

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Breaking new Breaking news Breaking news Breaking new Breaking news 

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The governor of California, Rose McGowan has accused the blogger Manhattan Infidel of objectifying her.

“I am a serious actress and stop looking at my body. This objectification of the female form must stop!”

THIS MY MY BODY! AND YOU CANT' LOOK AT IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

THIS MY MY BODY! AND YOU CANT’ LOOK AT IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

SEE MY SILKY SMOOTH SKIN?  NOW DON'T LOOK AT IT!

SEE MY SILKY SMOOTH SKIN? NOW DON’T LOOK AT IT!

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More breaking news More Breaking news More breaking news 

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The blogger known as Manhattan Infidel is suing California governor Rose McGowan for not objectifying his body.

“Come on!  Just touch it bitch!” he said in the deposition.

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