Bullwinkle Shot, Strapped to Top of Car, Cut Into Bite-Sized Pieces and Eaten by Family

Don't shoot!

Don’t shoot!

Bullwinkle J. Moose, resident of Frostbite Falls, Minnesota was shot today while walking in the woods.

Source report that Bullwinkle and his companion, Rocky the flying squirrel, were out for a morning stroll when they were spotted by a local hunter.

“I was looking for a deer but then I saw this moose.  I couldn’t believe my luck” said the hunter.

Taking aim the hunter fired three shots.  Two of which hit Bullwinkle, one between the shoulder blades and one in the head.

“Hokey smoke!  They’ve shot Bullwinkle” declared Rocky as he flew to safety.

After ascertaining that Bullwinkle was dead the hunter then strapped the carcass to the top of his car and drove off.  Upon arriving at home sources say the hunter was greeted by his wife and children who surrounded him and shouted, “Look what daddy brought!”

Carrying the body of Bullwinkle into the house they proceeded to cut him up.  After chopping off and throwing away the head, Bullwinkle’s fur was cut off for future use.

“We must get rid of all the fur” said the hunter.  “You boys don’t want to taste that.”

The limbs were separated to be cooked later.  Then Bullwinkle’s organs were removed to be used as stew.

“Moose stew!  We’re having moose stew!’ screamed the happy children.

Lastly the rich, juicy meat of Bullwinkle’s torso was cooked to perfection.

“This should last us a week” said the mother as she served the fully-cooked Bullwinkle to her children.

When asked why he shot Bullwinkle the hunter responded that he didn’t have a choice.

A man has the right to provide for his family.  A properly cooked moose contains many nutrients and can feed my family for days. Moose meat just tastes better than deer meat if you ask me.  And what we don’t eat we have other uses for.  Winter’s coming up and his fur can be made into warm clothing for all of us.

The Society For the Prevention of Cruelty to Sentient Though Not Very Intelligent Moose has protested the killing calling it an act of cruelty and the governor of Minnesota has appealed for calm in the wake of the shooting and eating.

Meanwhile Bullwinkle’s constant companion, Rocky the flying squirrel, who barely escaped with his life said that while he will miss his friend, Bullwinkle should have known better than to walk in the woods during hunting season.

“I begged him not to go.  Look I loved the dude but he wasn’t too bright.”

The Frostbite Falls moose population has had no comment on the shooting.


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    One would suspect Boris and Natasa or Snidely Whiplash capable of such barbary but never a Minnesota liberal. Bullwinkle was brown so where’s Sharpton?

  2. Not to nit pick, but you have a typo in your post. It’s no Frosbite Falls, but Frostbite Balls, Minnnesota.

    Anyway, it’s a shame about Bullwinkle. I was sure he was going to be the Democrat’s nominee for president in 2016. Now, I guess, they’ll have to go with Pocahontas Warren.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>