All true Americans love the sting of race war!

As the entire world’s attention has focused on the tiny town of Ferguson, Missouri where a black youth was shot dead by a white officer resulting in race riots, the Worldwide Headquarters™ of Manhattan Infidel has struggled with a way to cover the story.

Should I go to Ferguson?  No.  My colleagues in the media ministry of truth have done an admirable job reporting the facts sticking to the narrative. So after many days of searching my conscience lying in a fetal position in an opium den I have decided to present what I think is relevant to the Ferguson riot and all future race riots.

Are Race Riots Good or Bad?

It’s simple really.  Race rioting is the only growth industry left in this super bankrupt, fading-in-glory, past-its-prime nation.  If the business of America is business, as Calvin Coolidge said, then we should embrace this growth industry. Hence race riots are good.

Americans traditionally love to fight.  All real Americans love the sting of race war.

Now some of you are wondering if you’ll chicken out when confronted with a race war.  Don’t worry about it.  I can assure you that you will all do your duty.  People who are not of your color (whatever your color is) are the enemy.  Wade into them.  Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a pile of goo that a moment before was a promising young hip hop artist or a state trooper you’ll know what to do.

What Are the Rules of Race War?

To have a good and enjoyable and cleanly fought race war there must be rules.  Rules are, after all, what make the game fun.

• Will the press be allowed to cover the riots?

Of course.  This is essential to getting the word out and helping local businesses make money from the resulting traffic of outsiders.

• How many press should be allowed to cover the rioting, keeping in mind that some of the rioting municipalities are small.

The ratio of press to rioters should be not less than 8:1 (for small towns with limited resources) and not greater than 200:1 for larger cities.

• Will the press be able to use any pictures of any youth that were gunned down?

Yes.  But with caveats.  Any and all photos of said dead youth must have been taken when he was less than 14 years old.  If possible a photo of the dead youth holding a puppy would be preferable.

• Will the press be allowed to march along with the protesters?

While some may claim that by marching with protesters they are damaging their impartiality and credibility we here at the Worldwide Headquarters™ of Manhattan Infidel beg to differ. It is essential that the press march with protesters.  By doing this they will reassure anxious viewers at home that they are not Republicans.

• White on black crimes get the most attention naturally but will those covering the riots be allowed to mention that blacks are more likely to die from black on black crime?

That question is racist.

But What if I Don’t Want a Race War?

Do you want to live in obscurity and poverty your entire life?  Do you not care about your town or your tribe? Look at the empty motel rooms along the highway.  Look at the shuttered storefronts. Now think about what will happen if thousands of media descend upon your town. Business will pick up. (After all, the press need a place to sleep.  They need a place to eat.) Your town will no longer be obscure but the world will now know of it.  You will swell with pride and you might even end up on TV. And being on TV makes you important.

You Make a Cogent Case For Race War. How Can I Start My Own?

Starting a race war is easy.  Just remember that anyone who looks different than you is not of your tribe.  They are the enemy.  By keeping this thought in mind you guarantee that a race war will start sooner rather than later.

So I Don’t Need a Starter Kit or Special Credentials?

None whatsoever.  So get cracking America.  Race war: It’s the summer of recovery

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