Manhattan Infidel Presents: History!

Washington had to cross a river of ice because of global warming

Washington had to cross a river of ice because of global warming

Continuing with my series designed to educate my readers I now present American history: history that is living, breathing, non-judgmental, inclusive and progressive.

P.S. All these questions are taken from a common core textbook.

  • George Washington crossed an icy Delaware River because
  1. It was a last-ditch attempt to keep the colonial army together and defeat the enemy.
  2. Being a white male of northern European he had an insatiable desire to kill.
  3. He wanted to throw poor people of color off their land so he could claim it.
  4. He heard a rumor that peoples of color lived in Trenton and he wanted to shoot them.
  5. Yes I know they were Hessians but Hessians were the Hispanics of their day:  Loud, filthy, drunk, didn’t speak English and hated by Republicans.
  • Why was the Delaware River icebound?
  1. It was winter.
  2. Global warming.
  3. Climate change.
  4. For Christ’s sake think about the polar bears.
  5. The ice was the tears of those loyal to the British crown (Will and Kate are so sexy!)
  • The colonists were angry at the British because
  1. They felt their taxes were too high.
  2. Damn teabaggers!
  3. I mean seriously.  They should have been proud to be part of the British crown (Will and Kate are so sexy!)
  4. The British liked the Indians, and the colonists, being racist, hated the Indians and wanted to kill them all.
  5. Teabaggers. Racism. Racist teabaggers who felt their taxes were too high.
  • Why did the British lose the Revolutionary War?
  1. The French sided with the colonists.
  2. The British being civilized (Will and Kate are so sexy!) were no match for the guerrilla tactics of the racist colonists.
  3. Global warming Climate change.
  4. I mean you try winning a war when the climate is changing. It isn’t easy. If only the colonists respected Mother Earth.
  5. The racist colonists loved war and were ruthless killers of the civilized (Will and Kate are so sexy!) British.
  • After the siege of Yorktown Benjamin Franklin and John Adams traveled to Paris to
  1. Negotiate a fair and just peace
  2. Drink and whore (preferably with black women)
  3. Trick the British (Will and Kate are so sexy) into giving up the colonies.
  4. Drink and whore (preferably with transsexuals)
  5. 2, 3, and 4.

Please send all your answers to webmaster@manhattaninfidel.com.  I will tally up the scores and those found to be sufficiently non-progressive will be forever banned from reading my living, breathing, non-judgmental, inclusive and progressive blog.

(700)

2 Responses

  1. “… non-progressive will be forever banned from reading my living, breathing, non-judgmental, inclusive and progressive blog.”

    I envoke my 5th Amendment rights!

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