Come to Travis County and indict your enemies!

The economy is bad.  We all know it. I hear it from people all the time.  They ask me where they can find work.  They also ask me  “Manhattan Infidel, can you spare a dime for an American down on his luck?”  and “Please I won’t tell anyone.  Let me out of your basement.” 

But enough about me.  I care about my readers.  And with their well-being in mind I have heard about a great job opportunity in Travis County Texas.  Read the description and see if it is right for you.

Travis County District Attorney

About the job:

Travis County, Texas, a vibrant community with a population of one million, making it the fifth-most populous county in Texas currently has an opening for a district attorney.  We pride ourselves on being a liberal bastion in the heart of conservative, red state Texas.

As our district attorney you will have the opportunity to indict those who have committed crimes.  Or, if you prefer, you can indict those whose politics you disagree with.

Here in Travis County we have a long and proud tradition of expanding the definition of what constitutes a felony.  While our neighboring counties are full of “law and order” types who go after citizens for drug offenses and DWIs, at Travis County we are more eclectic.

As our District Attorney you won’t ever get bored indicting people for the same old crimes.  In fact, there doesn’t even have to be a crime for an indictment.

Does your neighbor believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman?  Then indict him!

Has your neighbor been seen going to church on Sunday?  Indict him!

Do you fancy your neighbor’s wife?  Indict him!  While he is in jail you can put the moves on that MILF.

Is there someone in Travis County you don’t like for some reason?  Did they beat you at cards? Are they younger or better looking than you?  Indict them!

In your opinion is there a Travis County resident who is not paying their fair share of taxes? Indict them!  If there is one thing we in Travis County pride ourselves on it’s economic patriotism.

And at Travis County you won’t have to worry about your personal behavior.  We don’t care what you do in your off hours.  (We aren’t Republicans after all.)  In fact we encourage County employees to enjoy themselves.

Do you like liquor?  Then drink away.  If you happen to be stopped with an open container in your car and a blood alcohol level of .23, remember, it’s those crazy ass Republicans who will try to get you to resign.

If this happens, indict them!

We look forward to receiving your resume.

Happy indictments everyone!

And if you need proof that your personal conduct will not be held against you, please take a look at our last district attorney who not only held onto her position but indicted the governor who tried to get her to resign.

Travis County!  We indict!

Travis County. We Indict! Just Not Our Officials

You know I just might apply for this position myself.  I have many enemies I want to punish and what better what to do that than by indicting them?

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