The Gaza Strip, not to be confused with the Vegas strip

The latest cease fire in the Gaza Strip, negotiated by Secretary of State John Kerry (pictured here)

Secretary of State John Kerry

lasted less than 90 minutes before Palestinians kidnapped Israeli soldiers and resumed firing rockets.  Ninety minutes.    Five thousand four hundred seconds.  The sum total of the cease fire.  In keeping with my responsibility as a member of the mainstream media I have researched made up the following list of events that lasted as long as the Gaza cease fire.

The Chevy Chase Show

Proof that the Devil exists

Remembered as the greatest disaster in the history of mankind and proof that the Devil exists and wants our souls, the show was quickly canceled.  It was 60 minutes of excruciating pain and fumbling.  In other words just like Manhattan Infidel on a date, minus the rejection and obligatory masturbation afterwards.  Would that the Palestinians had fired rockets into the studio.

Alex Rodriguez Not on Steroids

Ninety minutes is also the maximum amount of time that currently suspended Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez (pictured here)  can go without steroids before reverting to his natural state. His body chemistry permanently altered by over 20 years of PED use, Rodriguez can no longer survive without frequent injections of drugs.  Rumor has it that if he does not inject himself every 90 minutes his body reverts to a liquid state and is stored in a bucket by his agent.

Pete Best’s Career

Remembered today only as the drummer who was fired by the Beatles, Pete’s career lasted roughly about as long as the Gaza cease fire.  Shown here trying to answer the question, “Why do I suck?”  

Wait, why DO i suck?

after his firing Best quickly faded into obscurity, his name becoming a byword for failure. Granted, not as pathetic a failure as the Chevy Chase show, but if Best ever gets his own talk show then we must stock up on weapons and canned goods for the end of the world is near.  If you see Pete Best on the street do not approach.  He is hungry and may try to eat you.

American Interest in Soccer

Do not look too long at this photo. You may be overcome by sleep.

A sport beloved by the rest of the world for low scoring and lack of action (again, almost like Manhattan Infidel on a Saturday night), every four years Americans make a good faith effort to pretend they care. However after 90 minutes of hectoring by the white liberal cultural elite, “You are stupid!  Soccer teaches life lessons.  Lessons about socialism and social justice!’  Americans remember why they hated this sport in the first place.  Brandishing pitch forks and shovels they rise up, beat the elite to death and bury the bodies in ditches.  Frankly, soccer does have one purpose:  It unites all Americans in their hatred of their masters and gives us a reason to use our pitch forks and shovels.

Due to factors not under my control wait you’re a cop?  I just want to touch you! this list is not complete but it gives the reader an idea of just exactly how short the Gaza Strip Cease fire actually was.  Somewhere Mickey Rooney is laughing.  Finally something shorter than I am he’d say.

But on the bright side at least he got to sleep with Ava Gardner.

A brief moment of glory for short people

The short bastard!

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