The Progressive Annotated Declaration of Independence (Part VII)

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

And now for Part VII of my series on the new and improved annotated Declaration of Independence.  I vow to continue with this series until I am stopped by my political enemies.  Or until the police arrest me for once again standing by the window with no pants on.  Come to think of it, the latter sounds more likely.

We have appealed to their native [1] justice and magnanimity, [2] and we have conjured [3] them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections [4] and correspondence. [5]

They too have been deaf [6] to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. [7] We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, [8] and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, [9] Enemies in War, in Peace Friends. [10]


  1. Does Jefferson mean “native American”?  I don’t think so.  He was referring to the English. So why is he using this word?  What are the British natives of?  Certainly not Britainland, which originally belonged to the remnant of humanity that survived the Cylon wars.
  2. Hot, liquid magnanimity.  Once magnanimity reaches the surface it becomes lava.  I saw it on the Discovery channel.
  3. It’s good to know that Jefferson wasn’t biased against Wiccans.  This made him different than your typical white man who fears what he does not understand.  Much like I fear math.
  4. Why do you wish to cancel your service with Comcast?  Why wouldn’t you want the highest internet speed ever?  I don’t  know what type of internet service Jefferson used but I bet it wasn’t as fast as Comcast.
  5. By correspondence I think Jefferson means text messages.  Or Facebook.  Possibly Skype. But not MySpace.
  6. The modern Democratic party is not deaf to the cries of the deaf.  We are very pro-deaf. The Republicans have a war on the deaf.  The pro-hearing bastards.
  7. This is a big and obscure word.  I think it means “having two testicles.”  Jefferson had two testicles and often rested them on the face of his slaves.  Teabagging bastard.
  8. Marriage is not an important institution.  Except when we are referring to gay marriage. That is sacred.
  9. Woman and transgendered kind must be included.  To not do so would be in keeping with the Republican war on woman and transgendered. I dated a transgender woman once but we had to break up after I found out that her penis was larger than mine.
  10. Ross and Rachel were meant to be together.  Didn’t you cry during the last episode when they got back together?

(End of Part VII)


One Response

  1. petermc3 says:

    Last week in the white free republic-or is it a democracy- of South Africa a nine yr old single boy married a 63 yr old married woman. The groom stated that he retains the option to marry again in the future. Our racist pig monogamous country can learn much from sexually enlightened and culturally advanced civilizations such as those on the dark continent.

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