The Progressive Annotated Declaration of Independence (Part VI)

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

The Declaration of Independence suffers from White Privilege

And so dear readers let us continue with our improvement of the Declaration of Independence. (Declaration and Constitution not valid in continental United States.)

  • He has constrained our fellow Citizens [1] taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms [2] against their Country, to become the executioners  [3] of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands. [4]
  • He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, [5] and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, [6] the merciless Indian Savages, [7] whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions. [8]

In every stage of these Oppressions [9] We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions [10] have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince [11] whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. [12]

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. [13]  We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. [14]

We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. [15]


  1. What is a fellow citizen?  Aren’t we all citizens of the world?  What are borders?  What is the American border but an excuse for America to revel in their natural racism and hatred of the peoples of color.
  2. The right to bear arms shall not be infringed.  Unless we are talking about nasty, gross “assault” weapons.
  3. The death penalty is racist.  Which is why Americans love it so much.  They want to see the man of color fry.  Literally.  Haven’t you ever seen The Green Mile?  It’s been proven black men burn more than white men. The science is settled.
  4. Assisted suicide is a good thing.  And once the Affordable Care Act takes effect (damn those nasty Republicans!) the government death panels will be more than happy to help you with this.
  5. Damn teabaggers. How much longer must we suffer them?  Can’t we just pass a law arresting them?
  6. The author here is probably referring to Hispanics who as Democratic voters have a right to live in America.
  7. We apologize for this racist phrase and all future editions of the Declaration of Independence Equality will use the approved phrase “Native Americans.”
  8. Whitey!
  9. Speaking of oppression the Republicans have a war on women and want them to pay for their own birth control.
  10. Hopefully done online so as not to consume paper which kills trees which leads to climate change.
  11. And honey, I say Little Red Corvette/Baby, you’re much too fast (Oh)/Little Red Corvette/You need a love that’s gonna last/I guess I should’ve closed my eyes/When you drove me to the place where your horses run free/’cause I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures/of the jockeys that were there before me.
  12. What is freedom?  Isn’t freedom the freedom to live as the government tells you to?
  13. The British!  Typical white people!
  14. Unwarrantable jurisdiction?  What is it with conservatives and their fear of the benevolence of the Federal government?
  15. Usually on top of boxcars until we had to swim across the Rio Grande.  We have to make sacrifices so the man from the Federal government will sign us up to vote Democratic.

(End of Part VI)


One Response

  1. petermc3 says:

    Chaka Zulu knew how to treat people of color. Death panels? Don’t need em’ under one man rule.

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