Your 2014 Yankees: The Climate Change Edition

“With those who don’t give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace. But while the game is on, I can’t think of anything to say to them.” ~Art Hill

Go Yankees!  Climate change kills polar bears

Go Yankees! Climate change kills polar bears

And so on a beautiful July day in the Bronx when the temperature didn’t even reach 80 (global warming climate change) The Yankees concluded their three-game set against the Cincinnati Reds.

The Yankees started the last man standing in their original starting rotation, Hiroki Kuroda (6-6 4.10) and the Red’s countered with Johnny Cueto (10-6 2.13).

The Red scored first in the top of the fifth.   Zack Cozart led off with a routine grounder to second basemen Brian Roberts.  Roberts however booted the ball (perhaps he was so distraught over global warming climate change he lost sight of the grounder?)  He then scored on a ground rule double by Skip Schumaker.  1-0 Reds after 4 1/2 innings.

In the bottom of the fifth after Kelly Johnson and Brett Gardner walked (global warming climate change again) Derek Jeter singled home Johnson.  Jacoby Ellsbury then singled home Brett Gardner.  2-1 Yankees after five.

In the top of the 8th Todd Frazier homered on a 3-2 pitch to deep left.  2-2 after eight innings.

Would the game go into extra innings?  Would the game extend into the evening hours?  Would more polar bears drown because of the lights in use at Yankee stadium?  (Global warming climate change again.)

In the bottom of the ninth Jacoby Ellsbury singled and stole second.  Brian McCann then hit a pop up that was just out of the reach of the first and second basement.  Ellsbury scored the winning run thereby saving the lives of many polar bears.

David Robertson (1-2 2.60) got the win for the Yankees and Aroldis Chapman (0-3 2.40) got the loss for Cincinnati.

Notes on the game:

Who would have suspected at the start of the season that the entire Yankee starting rotation would be out for the season except Hiroki Kuroda, 39 years and the old man of the rotation.  CC Sabathia and Ivan Nova are out for the season.  Michael Pineda is out until he finds a more discreet location to store his pine tar.  Tanaka is out and may be out all of next year depending on whether he needs Tommy John surgery.  Kiroda pitched well, giving up three hits and one run over 6 2/3 innings while striking out six.

Dellin Betances, the all star who has struck out 87 in 57 innings did not pitch well today and gave up the game tying home run.

Today before the game the Special Operations Warrior Foundation parachuted into Yankee Stadium. The parachuters immediately injured their elbows and will require Tommy John surgery and will be out the rest of the year.  Perhaps if the Earth wasn’t suffering from global warming climate change they wouldn’t have hurt themselves.

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Ouch!  My elbow!

Ouch! My elbow!

Best heckle of the game:

My heckle of “The movement of the movable necessarily follows the mover”  didn’t fire people up.  In fact I was beaten by the angry crowd.  “He’s quoting Aquinas!  Stop him!”

Reader mail:

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “I am curious about this global warming climate change you speak of. Do tattoos lead to global warming climate change?”

Yes.  And your tattoos are killing polar bears.  You are a bad person.

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “I stubbed my toe the other day.  Global warming climate change?”

Yes.  There is no evil that global warming climate change isn’t responsible for.

Someone known as L.T. of New York writes, “Global warming climate change stole my vintage 70s era Barbie dolls.”

Serves you right for using 100 watt bulbs and flush toilets. Have you no shame?

Recommended reading material:

Global warming climate change make my wife’s breasts grow larger.

Note:  There is no such book as that unfortunately but I’d read it.  Especially if it were a pop up book.

My record this year is 2-6.  My next game is Monday August 4th against the Detroit Tigers (who quite possibly are behind the global warming climate change epidemic.)

Go Yankees!



5 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    I’m staying in Monday August 4th to wash my hair and paint my nails.

  2. Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!

    Discuple! Ese is futbal y usted esta hablando de biesbal. Perdoname!

  3. Petermc3 says:

    You tell him Jim.

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