Batgirl Sues Batman, Robin

I am a woman and dammit I'm just as good t my job as a man!

I am a woman and dammit I’m just as good at my job as a man!

Famous Gotham City crime fighter Batgirl has filed a lawsuit against fellow crime fighters Batman and Robin, citing, “a pattern of sexual abuse and defamation of character resulting in a loss of promotion opportunities.”

“Originally I was very excited to join Batman and Robin” said Batgirl in her deposition.

Here I was a woman fighting crime with the men.  I took my responsibility very seriously as I knew other girls who might one day grow up to be crime fighters were looking to me as an example.

Batgirl goes on to relate that her initial enthusiasm was dampened by the “hypersexual atmosphere” of the Bat Cave.

Every time I was in the Bat Cave, every damn time, Batman would make it a point of putting his hand on my shoulder and complimenting me on my costume.  He said he was just trying to be nice but I could sense the desperate stench of male sexuality all over him.   I mean he was old enough to be my father.  The only reason I put up with his hands on my body was because he was a millionaire.  Yes, I know he’s Bruce Wayne.  Everybody knows he’s Bruce Wayne.  The Bat Cave is right under Wayne Manor for God’s sake.  

As for Robin, Batgirl has no sympathy or respect for him.

I’ve seen the way Batman used him as his sexual plaything.  The poor kid was innocent and conflicted but he idolized Batman and would do anything for him. Batman was always asking Robin if he “wanted to take a ride on the Bat pole.”  I can only imagine what sort of sexual perversity that was.  Robin used to talk to me when Batman wasn’t around and ask me how I resisted him.  He used to ask me for makeup tips and say that he wishes he could be as pretty as me.  He also complimented me on not having a penis, which was creepy.  “I try tucking it in” he told me. “But Batman likes to see it through my costume.”  I mean come on.  Don’t be a victim.  Sexual harassment is nothing to laugh about no matter the circumstances.

Batgirl says that the moment she first realized she had to sue was when Batman asked her to reach inside his utility belt and pull out the “anti-crime snake.”

I said no and then I slapped him.  Poor Robin.  I thought he was going to faint.  As I left the cave I could see Robin consoling Batman by sitting in his lap.

Shortly after this Batgirl was fired by Batman.  Batgirl is asking to be reinstated with back pay and for Batman to issue a statement saying that he values his partnership with Batgirl and that any comments contrary to this that he may have uttered are false.

It’s a simple matter of justice.  For me and for any girl who may wish to follow me as a crime fighter.

For his part Batman has responded to the lawsuit by calling Batgirl a “psycho with a chip on her shoulder who’s been reading too much feminist literature.”


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Famous Gotham city crime fighting sidekick Robin has announced that he will begin hormone therapy in hopes of one day becoming a woman.

“I want to be pretty, like Batgirl” he said.


5 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Bill de Blasio offered Batgirl a position on the NYFD which he turned down citing her aversion to carrying hoses. The NY Yankees offered. Her a position as a batgirl which she turned down citing her aversion to handling bats. Dis bitch be psycho yo.

  2. Is batgirl the one with the boobs? These days one can never be sure.

  3. jenny says:

    awww, who can blame the poor little victimized thing– wait, I mean the psycho boobed one– wait, I mean the equally magnificent crime-fighting heroine? Listen, y’all, she’s just trying to make sure that any girl who wants to experience the same hell she does has a wide open door to do so. She clearly has in mind the best interest of females everywhere! What a leader!

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