Now with WiFi!

Astromech droid R2-D2 has been upgraded.  Owners Bob and Shirley Davidson of Eureka, California hope that the new features will make him a more valuable “thermocapsulary dehousing assister.”

“We bought him at a garage sale” said Mr. Davidson.

I thought maybe we could use him a a paperweight or a floor polisher.  I even tried attaching a buffering unit to one of its feet. It was then that I found out that he, it, was sentient.  He made these weird beep beep noises and kept running away from me.  Like what the f*ck I said.  So he was pretty much useless after that.  He did have one nice feature.  He could display videos.  But he didn’t come with an internet connection and it had no USB drives to attach a thumb drive to.  No USB?  Makes it kind of useless.

Frustrated but not wanting to lose his investment Davidson took his droid to a computer repair shop.

The first one I brought him to was an Apple store.  But they wouldn’t service the droid.  The architecture was incompatible they said.  Whatever. So I took it to another shop.  They wanted to install Windows 8.  I said, “Guys, I want this droid to be useful.” So they gave it Windows 7, which is okay I guess.  I would have preferred XP but that’s no longer supported.

After the droid was upgraded Davidson signed a two-year contract to service the droid and brought it home.

They gave me an owner’s manual for the thing.  They even put in a few USBs. But what I’m really excited about is the internet access.  I mean this thing can project hi-def images.  And now that it’s got Wi-Fi I can view some really hot porn.  When my wife is away of course.  I just have to figure out how to delete the cache on this thing so my wife won’t see what I’m viewing.  I called the 800 number the other day. They helped me but it is embarrassing to have to explain that I don’t want my wife knowing I was viewing so much lesbian porn.

In addition to Wi-Fi capability the new upgraded R2-D2 can download and install mobile apps.

It’s great.  I can view traffic on him to see if I need to take an alternate route.  I have Netflix on him now.  I’m catching up on Game of Thrones.  The droid’s into the show as well.  I just wish he wouldn’t keep beeping when he gets excited.

Despite Davidson’s overall happiness with his retooled droid he admits he will probably trade it in.

He’s bulky and difficult to carry around.  I can’t find a cover for him and occasionally he blue screens on me.  I have my eye on one of those new iPad Airs.  Do you know if they come with WiFi?

The iPad Air starts at $499 for WiFi models and $699 for models with cellular.  And it’s not as bulky as R2-D2.

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