The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part VII)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

After these things Barack walked in Virginia, for he would not walk in California for the taxes were too high.  Though the fault lieth with the Republicans.

 Now the socialist feast of Kwanzaa was at hand.

And his disciples in the MSM said:  Pass from hence and go into Chicago; that thy disciples also may see thy works, and broadcast it on MSNBC.

For there is no man who doth anything in secret.  Except Democrats for they know that the MSM will not report it.

For his brethen in Chicago did not believe him, being as it were, too busy dodging bullets.

Then Barack said to them:  My time is not yet come.  I have delayed my time for a year with my pen.

The world cannot hate you; but me it hateth:  because I give testimony of the evil of capitalism and Republicans.

Go you up to this festival day, but I go not up to this festival day:  because I am a Muslim and cannot celebrate Kwanzaa.

When he had said these things, he himself stayed in Camp David for it had many amenities and Michelle was not there.

But after his brethren were gone up, then he also went up to the feast, not openly, as it were, because he feared a hail of random Chicago gang shootings.

The Africans therefore sought him on the festival days, and said:  Where is he?  I thought he was from Kenya?

And there was much murmuring and rapping among the multitude concerning him.  For some said:  He is a good man even though he grew up in a Lilly-white neighborhood in Hawaii.  And others said:  No but he seduceth the people with class warfare.  And he seduceth others, mainly Pakistani men for it be his thing.

Yet no man spoke openly of him, for fear of the IRS.

Now about the midst of the feast, Barack went to The University of Chicago Law School, and taught Constitutional law.

And his students wondered, saying:  How doth this man teach Constitutional law, having never read the Constitution?

Barack answered them, and said:  My doctrine is not that of the white men who gave us a flawed, racist document, but of a living and breathing constitution.

He that speaketh of the intent of the framers of the Constitution is selfish:  but he that seeketh the glory of a living Constitution he is true, and there is no injustice in him since he believes the Constitution gives me power to redistribute wealth.

Did not James Madison give you the law, and yet none of you keepeth the law. For it is based on 18th century technology and is irrelevant today.

Why seek you to limit me to two terms?  His students answered and said:  Thou has read the 22nd amendment?

Barack answered and said to them:  If a man serves two terms that the law of James Madison may not be broken; are you angry at me because I seek three or more terms and seek to fundamentally transform America?

Judge not according to the appearance of the Constitution, but judge just judgement and by that I mean the law is whatever I say it is.

After the class was over Barack cried out in the teacher’s lounge, teaching and saying:  I am not come of myself:  but the spirit of wealth redistribution is true. 

And the teachers all applauded him, for they all had tenure and would not have to look for work in this economy.

And no man laid hands on him, because they still feared the IRS.  Indeed only certain Pakistani men laid hands all over Barack.

But of the people many believed in him, and said:  When the spirit of redistribution comes, will he give me more free stuff than this man doth?

The RINOs heard the people murmuring these things concerning him: and they said, Surely he believes in the same stuff we do?

Barack therefore said to them:  You shall seek me, and shall not find me:  for the road will be blocked off by Secret Service.

The RINOs therefore said among themselves:  Whither will he go that we cannot find him?  Will he go unto the dispersed contributors to the Democratic party who no longer live in America for tax reasons?

And on the last, and great day of Kwanzaa Barack stood and cried, saying:  If any man thirst, let him petition the Federal government for water.  And the Federal government shall give it to him, unless it threatens the Delta Smelt fish.

He that believeth in me, shall not be audited by the IRS.

Now this he said of the Spirit of Redistribution, for as yet the Spirit was not given, because Barack had not yet appointed himself to a third term.

Of that multitude therefore, when they had heard these words of his, some said:  This is our King indeed.

There arose a great dissension among the people because of him.  Some wanted to make him King immediately, others wanted to have him run for a third term.

And some would have apprehended him:  but no man laid hands upon him.  Again, the IRS is everywhere.

And every man returned to his own house. Except those that had been foreclosed because of subprime mortgages.

(to be continued)


2 Responses

  1. I didn’t see any mention of the Great Miracle of Barack. You know. The one where he made SNAP cards to grow on trees.

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