Green Lantern: Racist So-Called Superhero

Jesus people stop asking me about carbon credits!

Jesus people stop asking me about carbon credits!

Today at Manhattan Infidel it is my pleasure to interview famed Superhero The Green Lantern.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Lantern.  May I call you green?

GL: No.

MI: Okay, well I’m sure many of my readers would like to know why the name Green Lantern and did you name yourself this in solidarity with the environment?  Are you an environmentalist?  What is your opinion on the Keystone Pipeline?

GL: Jesus.  I don’t care.  I don’t care about the Keystone Pipeline.  I don’t care about the environment.

MI: You don’t care about the environment?  What are you a Republican?

GL: What the – look I fight crime.  That’s what I do.  I don’t care what anyone’s politics are.

MI:  Then why choose a name that has green in it?  Did you do it because you wanted to be known as the environmental crime fighter?

GL: For the love of god I had to choose a color.  Green is as good as any other and my tailor said green brings out my eyes.

MI:What about the danger caused by global warming?  Have you ever fought against global warming?

GL: You’re an idiot you know that.

MI: Have you ever met Al Gore?

GL: Once but only in a professional capacity.  He was releasing his chakras on a poor masseuse. She was screaming and I had to help her.

MI: So you took her side?  Is this part of your war on women?

GL: She was the victim!

ML: What about your responsibility to the planet?  You had to know that this would have embarrassed Al Gore if FOX news found out. Or do you work for FOX news? That’s it isn’t it?  You’re a teabagger and you set Al Gore up!

GL: No!  I was stopping a crime.

ML: What about the crimes committed against mother Earth?

GL: For the last time I’m a crime fighter. I’m a member of the Justice League of America.  We help people.

MI: People?  People?  Since when are people more important than the environment?

GL: Hold on I’m getting a text.  It’s the Flash.

MI: The Flash?  Is he your husband?  What is your opinion on gay marriage?

GL: I don’t care!  Do  you hear me!  I don’t care!  I fight crime.  That’s all I do.

MI: Do you have health insurance?

GL: I used to but my plan was dropped because of Obamacare.

MI: Racist!

GL: What?  What the hell are you talking about?  That does it I’m out of here.  Leave me alone!

[Green Lantern leaves]

MI: Go.  That’s it just go.  No one needs your racist crime fighting skills anyway.

And that was the end of my interview with the Green Lantern.  Sometimes our heroes disappoint us.  This was clearly the case with the right-wing so-called crime fighter known as the Green Lantern.  Not only does he not care about the environment but his politics are disturbing.  He probably uses crime fighting as an excuse to stop and frisk peoples of color.

My readers, if you ever find yourself a victim of a crime do not call the Green Lantern or anyone else from the Justice League.  You don’t want their teabagging, racist help. Instead patiently submit to the crime and call your authorized, state enforcement afterwards.

It’s the progressive thing to do.

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3 Responses

  1. What the hell is a “crime” fighter doing in Manhattan? Now that you have Commisar Bassio the only people who will stop you and search your pockets are muggers wealth redistributors. It;s the new American way.

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