The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part VI)


And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

After these things Barack went over the Pacific Ocean to Catalina Island.

And a great multitude followed him, because they saw the miracles which he did on the Hollywood Syphilitics.  

Barack therefore went up into a mountain, and there he sat with his disciples in the MSM.

When Barack therefore had lifted up his eyes, and seen that a very great multitude cometh to him he said: Whence shall we buy tofu that these may eat?

And this he said to try them; for he himself knew that his compassionate social policies would provide food.

One of his disciples saith to him:  There is a boy here that hath five barley loaves and two fishes.  But do we really want to give these people high cholesterol?

Then Barack said:  Make the men sit down.  The women don’t matter.  Now there was much grass in the place for Barack loveth his Choom Gang.

And Barack took the loaves; and after verifying that they were gluten-free he gave thanks to the Federal government and redistributed to them that were set down.

But not the fish for fish are protected wildlife and to eat them would be racist.

And when they were filled he said to his disciples in the MSM: Gather up the fragments that remain for all property belongs to the government.

Now those men, when they had seen what a miracle Barack had done, said:  This is of truth the Socialist Democrat that is to come into the world.

Barack therefore, when he knew that they would come to take him by force, and make him a king, saith: I have a pen and a phone.

And when evening had come his disciples went down to the sea and they boarded a ferry.

Now it was dark and Barack was not with them.

And the sea arose by reason of climate change.

They saw Barack walking upon the sea and they were afraid. 

But he saith to them: It is I; be not afraid, unless you make more than $200,000 a year.

The next day the multitude saw that Barack was not on Catalina Island, nor his disciples, they took ship to Los Angeles, seeking for Barack.

Barack saw them and said: Amen, amen I say to you, you seek me not because  you have seen miracles, but because you did eat of the gluten-free loaves and are now regular.

Labor not for the meat that perisheth, but for that which endureth unto socialism everlasting, which the son of redistribution will give you.

 Then Barack saith unto them: Amen, amen I say unto you the bread of socialism is that which cometh from the Democratic Pary, and giveth redistribution to the world.

They therefore said unto him: Lord, give us always our free stuff.

And Barack said to them:  I am the bread of redistribution: he that voteth for me shall not hunger; and he that believeth in me shall never thirst, for I will take from the rich to give to you.

But I say unto you I came down from Washington D.C. not to do my own will, but the will of the spirit of redistribution.

And this is the will of the spirit of redistribution that sent me: that everyone who seeth me, and believeth in me, shall become dependent on the Federal government and vote Democratic.

The RINOs therefore murmured at him because he had said, I am the spirit of redistribution that cometh down from Washington.

And they said:  But we also want people to become dependent on the Federal government.

Barack therefore answered and said to them: Murmur not among yourselves.

No man (women do not matter) can come to me except through the Democratic party.

The gluten-free bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of socialism.

This is the gluten-free bread that cometh down from Washington, D.C.; that if any man (for women are irrelevant) eat of it, he may not die, thanks to the Affordable Care Act.

I am the living gluten-free bread that which came down from Washington D.C.

If any man eat of this bread, he shall have re-distributive life forever. 

The RINOs strove among themselves, saying But what about us?  We all want a piece of the Federal pie.

Then Barack said to them:  Amen, amen I say unto you:   except you eat the gluten-free flesh of the Democratic party (in entitlements) you shall not have life and power in D.C.

And he said: Therefore did I say to you, that no man ( women should stay subordinate) can come to me, unless it be given him by the spirit of redistribution.

After this many of the RINOs walked with him no more.

Then Barack saith to his disciples:  Will you also go away?

And Chris Matthews answered him:  Lord, to whom shall we go?  For no one else makes my leg tingle.

(To be continued)


3 Responses

  1. Oops! That dude is about to get bitch slapped. Did the Obama forget his assurances to protect women from the war the Republicans make on them? What about the free condoms and contrceptives and abortions? Is the Obama turning his back on the women? If so, from where will come the tingles?

  2. innominatus says:

    And Jim shall hear of wars and rumours of wars on women: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.

  3. petermc3 says:

    Choom gang my ass. We white boys did the same crap in the back of a VW when this future community organizer was still kneeling on his prayer rug five times a day at the Indonesian madrasah. Many were the girls who hath visited us in the back seat and we came to know them. A more apt name for Barry’s homo pot head gang would have been “The Gay Caballeros.”

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