I just want to kill the infidel. Why must I provide health insurance?

For as long as he could remember, Abdul wanted to run his own business.

“I wanted to work for myself and make a living doing it.” he said.

And I also wanted to kill the infidel. Hey, who wouldn’t.  And I’m good at killing the infidel.  Granted, not as good as I am at boy love, but pretty damn good nevertheless.

At the age of 20 Abdul opened his first al-Qaeda franchise, offering out of work Muslims the chance to kill infidels, as well as deliver delicious breakfast sandwiches.

My store became famous for the terror it struck into the heart of the Jew-loving infidel.  And for our delicious breakfast sandwiches.  People would come from miles around for the chance to kill.  And have a delicious breakfast sandwich.

So successful was Abdul that within a few years he had opened ten more al-Qaeda franchises.

But with success, came government regulation.

Someone from the mayor’s office dropped by and asked for the ingredients to our delicious breakfast sandwiches.  He wanted to make sure they were gluten-free and low calorie.  “We just want to make sure your suicide bombers are healthy.  We can’t have them packing on the pounds” he told me.

Abdul gave him his ingredients, hoping he would go away.

The next thing I know five people came back, but this time they were Feds.  They asked me how many employees I had.  I told them the number varies of course depending on the last suicide bomber.  That wasn’t good enough for them.  They told me I had to provide health insurance for all my employees.  “Health insurance is a right” they said.  “Wouldn’t it make your bombers happier to know that they won’t have to worry about medical insurance?” Medical insurance?  They’re killing themselves I told them. They won’t have to worry about medical insurance when they are in paradise with their 72 virgins.  That didn’t matter.  They sued me $10,000 a day until I provided insurance.  Boy did I ever learn my lesson.  You can’t appease the government. It only encourages them.

With fines mounting and restless would-be suicide bombers upset that their premiums had increased, Abdul had no choice but to sell his business.

It broke my heart but what was I to do?  I couldn’t afford the fines.

Chastened by his experience with government regulators Abdul has now opened a new business ten miles offshore in international waters.

I sell nothing but delicious breakfast sandwiches.  And they have gluten.  The nanny state regulators can kiss my jihadist ass!  Of course, I’m still trying to figure out a way to deliver them.  Most of my customers don’t want to swim ten miles.  But what do you expect from soft, decadent infidels.

Abdul is currently working on obtaining his helicopter pilot license so he can deliver his products.

“I can’t wait to fly my helicopter into the Freedom Tower.  Um, I mean deliver my delicious breakfast sandwiches.”

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