Manhattan Infidel Presents Yet Another Professional Athlete Malfeasance Template

I blame society!

This is really getting too easy folks.  A past and/or present professional athlete being arrested?  That’s so humdrum.  It’s like Manhattan Infidel waking up naked with the words “I do your bidding Satan” smeared in blood on the wall.  Can’t I write about something else?  And was that animal blood or human blood?  Anyway for what it’s worth I now present the Official Yet Another Professional Athlete Malfeasance Template:

Former NFL player Kwame Harris was arrested for

  1. Rape
  2. Assault
  3. Murder
  4. Gang rape, assault, serial murder
  5. An argument over soy sauce and underwear
  6. Say what?

 According to police reports Kwame met his ex-boyfriend Dimitri Grier to

  1. Mend fences
  2. Just kidding.  Do something stupid
  3. Have a quiet meal like two adults
  4. Just kidding.  Throw a fit when Grier put soy sauce on his rice
  5. You’re joking?  This is too easy
  6. Nope.  He became angry when Grier put soy sauce on his rice

After putting soy sauce on his rice, Harris and Grier

  1. Agreed that this argument was stupid and childish
  2. Continued their meal in fellowship and amity
  3. Just kidding.  The argument escalated
  4. Soy sauce?  What the f*ck man?
  5. Athletes and soy sauce do not mix!
  6. Went into the parking lot quietly

After going into the parking lot, Harris and Grier

  1. Shook hands, embraced and parted the best of friends
  2. Spent a few minutes in silent prayer
  3. Just kidding. The argument escalated
  4. Harris then accused Grier of stealing his underwear
  5. Seriously.  He accused him of stealing his underwear
  6. Was this Spiderman underwear? If so then I can understand why Harris was upset

The argument continued and Harris

  1. Pulled Grier’s pants down
  2. Hey, it’s San Francisco.  Public sex is legal
  3. Like you’ve never had a professional athlete pull your pants down
  4. No, synchronized swimmers don’t count as professional athletes
  5. Like you’ve never had your pants pulled down in a parking lot
  6. Other than outside of a strip club I mean

Harris was charged with

  1. Felony counts of domestic violence
  2. Assault with force likely to cause great bodily injury
  3. What the f*ck man?  Soy sauce?
  4. The police will formally charge him after they stop laughing
  5. You pantsed your ex boyfriend, dude!
  6. Harris was not charged with anything and later commended by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for not involving strippers in the regrettable incident

And there you have it readers.  Yet another Professional Athlete Malfeasance Template.  I have promised the internet gods that I will not do another professional athlete malfeasance template until AROD gets caught doping again.

Crap!  Coming soon:  The AROD Doping Template.


4 Responses

  1. Everrybody knows that mixing steroids and soy sauce makes people do crazy things. The dude needs to give up one or the other.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Then the soy sauce MUST go!

  3. Cannot wait for the A-Rod version.

    The Yankees really bought themselves more trouble than it was worth by resigning this clown. But don’t worry…only four more years to go on his contract!

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: I think AROD would love to get out of the contract too. I can’t imagine the next four years will be pleasant for him in New York.

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