If it’s Friday at Manhattan Infidel that can only mean one thing:  seeing a doctor about that burning sensation.

But while Manhattan Infidel gets poked and prodded by a (hopefully) hot, young female doctor here for your reading pleasure is the Lindsay Lohan Malfeasance Template™

Linday Lohan was arrested for:

1. A disturbance in a night club
2. A disturbance in an alleyway
3. A disturbance in a hotel room
4. A disturbance in an elevator
5. Being on the grassy knoll in Dallas
6. Does it matter what she was arrested for?  Seriously.

Police say that Lohan

1. Punched a woman
2. Punched a man
3. Punched a woman and then a man
4. Punched a dog
5. Shot at a dog while on the grassy knoll in Dallas
6. Punched a woman, then a man, then a dog, then ran all three over in her car then backed up over them then freebased on their bodies then vomited and passed out

When taken into custody Lohan

1. Was contrite
2. Was belligerent
3. Punched a cop
4. Punched two cops
5. Punched every cop in the precinct
6. Vomited all over the precinct and then passed out but not before punching everyone that was in the holding cell with her

When informed of Lohan’s latest arrest her management

1. Expressed sympathy and blamed the incident on stress and dehydration
2. Promised to work with authorities to help Lohan with her troubles
3. Dropped Lohan from their roster of talent
4. Dropped Lohan from their roster of talent in favor of Mel Gibson
5. Dropped Lohan from their roster of talent in favor of Charlie Sheen
6. Dropped Lohan from their roster of talent in favor of Chris Farley

In a statement released to the press Lohan promised to

1. Do better in the future
2. Enter rehab.  And this time it’ll stick!
3. Reestablish a working relationship with her father
4. Punch a reporter.  Any reporter
5. Punch then run over any son of a bitch that gets in  her way
6. Punch, run over and back up over and son of a bitch that gets in her way

When informed of her latest arrest Lohan’s father

1. Expressed sympathy for his daughter and promised to be a better father
2. Punched a reporter
3. Punched a cop
4. Punched a dog
5. Ran over a reporter, a cop and a dog with his car
6. Expressed amazement that he has a daughter

And there you have it readers, the Lindsay Lohan Malfeasance Template™.

Coming next week, assuming all goes as planned, the King Shamus Malfeasance Template™.

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