My Exclusive Interview with Clark Kent

 Click on the f*cking sidebar!

Clark Kent, respected reporter for the Daily Planet, one of Metropolis’ bigger newspapers has quit his job, reportedly “disgusted” by the state of journalism today.  I recently  had a chance to sit down with Kent to discuss the state of journalism today.

MI:  Good afternoon Mr. Kent.  

CK:  Good afternoon, Mr. Infidel.

MI:  So tell me. What brought this about?  What prompted your decision to leave a steady job and a steady paycheck at the Daily Planet?

CK:  Basically I was frustrated.  I wasn’t my own man.  I couldn’t report on the stories I considered important hard news. Instead I was reporting on human interest softball stories that the editors thought would drive up sales.

MI: That had to be tough.

CK:  Exactly.  I’m a good writer and a good reporter.  So eventually I got so frustrated I quit.

MI:  So you quit?

CK:  Yes.

MI:  You weren’t fired?

CK:  No.

MI:  You’re leaving the Daily Planet had nothing at all to do with the sexual harassment lawsuit filed against you by Lois Lane? 

CK:  Our relationship was consensual. 

MI: That’s not what the court papers say.  I recently had them unsealed.  Let’s see.  What does she call you?  Mr. “Faster than a speeding bullet in bed?”

CK: I don’t want to comment on that.

MI:  She also said that you pressured her into having a threesome with Jimmy Olsen?

CK:  Jimmy’s a very special young man.  And legal too.

MI:  Okay let – moving along.  What are you doing now?

CK:  I’ve started a blog.

MI:  Really?  Welcome to the blogosphere.   So are you enjoying being a blogger?

CK:  Yes.  I get to write about what I want to write about.  What I think is an important news story.  And the freedom is great.  No more suits and ties.  I can sit at my computer in my underwear or even naked.  And I can watch Japanese porn while I write.

MI:  Okay, that’s just a stereotype.  Bloggers don’t sit around naked watching porn while they write their blogs. 

CK:  Oh really?  Really?  Isn’t there something you want to tell your readers?

MI:  No.  So what’s your blog traffic like?

CK:  Yesterday I got 45 hits.

MI:  You sound dejected.

CK:  I just thought I would have more traffic that’s all.

MI:  Well you can’t give up.  It’ll be slow at first.  So what are you doing for money?

CK:  See the ads on the sidebar?  I get 1/10th of one cent for each time someone clicks an ad.  You know eventually that’ll mean lots of money for me.

MI: I see.  Well that about answers all my questions.

CK:  As long as you’re here why not click on an ad?  Do it for me. Here, let me guide your hand.  [He takes Manhattan Infidel’s hand.]  My, your very strong.  Do you work out? I bet you  look good in a t shirt.

MI:  I – I think I better go.

CK:  Don’t go.  Not before you click on the ad.  I need the money.

MI:  I’m leaving.

CK:  Come on just click on the ad.  Is that too much to ask?  I need the money.  Click on the f*cking ad pretty boy!

MI: I’m out of here.  

[Clark Kent grabs Manhattan Infidel and throws him on the floor.  He attempts to drag him to his computer.]

CK:  Click on the f#cking ad!  Just click on the f#cking ad and you can leave.

[Manhattan Infidel kicks Clark Kent in the groin and escapes.]

MI:   You’re psycho.

CK:  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I’m just under a lot of stress.  Come back!  If you see Lois Lane tell her I love her.  And I still have her underwear.  Jimmy’s too!

And so ended my interview with struggling blogger Clark Kent.  If you have a chance to visit his blog and click on the ads on the sidebar I suggest you do it. Or he might hunt you down.

Hey, blogging is a blood sport!


5 Responses

  1. Ahhh man, Infidel! You screwed with one of my heroes. I grew up with Hopalong Casidy and roy Rodgers and Superman. The good guys always won. Now you have ruined everything! Thank’s a lot, pal!

  2. innominatus says:

    Giving the Man of Steel a groin-kick can be dangerous, and not many can pull it off successfully. Kudos.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: It’s what I do best.

    Inn: Man of steel? Yep. Do you know how many toes I broke kicking him in the groin?

  4. 45 hits?

    That’s like 40 more than I got today.

    Good for you, SuperPerv!

  5. RWT says:

    I’ve always wanted to ask Clark Kent who does he think he’s fooling with those spectacles disguise. Seriously, and what’s up with the kryptonite thing, he’s had so many run ins with it and can’t be make a shield or something against it. Heavens above, just innovate dumbass!

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