Clark Kent, respected reporter for the Daily Planet, one of Metropolis’ bigger newspapers has quit his job, reportedly “disgusted” by the state of journalism today.  I recently  had a chance to sit down with Kent to discuss the state of journalism today.

MI:  Good afternoon Mr. Kent.  

CK:  Good afternoon, Mr. Infidel.

MI:  So tell me. What brought this about?  What prompted your decision to leave a steady job and a steady paycheck at the Daily Planet?

CK:  Basically I was frustrated.  I wasn’t my own man.  I couldn’t report on the stories I considered important hard news. Instead I was reporting on human interest softball stories that the editors thought would drive up sales.

MI: That had to be tough.

CK:  Exactly.  I’m a good writer and a good reporter.  So eventually I got so frustrated I quit.

MI:  So you quit?

CK:  Yes.

MI:  You weren’t fired?

CK:  No.

MI:  You’re leaving the Daily Planet had nothing at all to do with the sexual harassment lawsuit filed against you by Lois Lane? 

CK:  Our relationship was consensual. 

MI: That’s not what the court papers say.  I recently had them unsealed.  Let’s see.  What does she call you?  Mr. “Faster than a speeding bullet in bed?”

CK: I don’t want to comment on that.

MI:  She also said that you pressured her into having a threesome with Jimmy Olsen?

CK:  Jimmy’s a very special young man.  And legal too.

MI:  Okay let – moving along.  What are you doing now?

CK:  I’ve started a blog.

MI:  Really?  Welcome to the blogosphere.   So are you enjoying being a blogger?

CK:  Yes.  I get to write about what I want to write about.  What I think is an important news story.  And the freedom is great.  No more suits and ties.  I can sit at my computer in my underwear or even naked.  And I can watch Japanese porn while I write.

MI:  Okay, that’s just a stereotype.  Bloggers don’t sit around naked watching porn while they write their blogs. 

CK:  Oh really?  Really?  Isn’t there something you want to tell your readers?

MI:  No.  So what’s your blog traffic like?

CK:  Yesterday I got 45 hits.

MI:  You sound dejected.

CK:  I just thought I would have more traffic that’s all.

MI:  Well you can’t give up.  It’ll be slow at first.  So what are you doing for money?

CK:  See the ads on the sidebar?  I get 1/10th of one cent for each time someone clicks an ad.  You know eventually that’ll mean lots of money for me.

MI: I see.  Well that about answers all my questions.

CK:  As long as you’re here why not click on an ad?  Do it for me. Here, let me guide your hand.  [He takes Manhattan Infidel’s hand.]  My, your very strong.  Do you work out? I bet you  look good in a t shirt.

MI:  I – I think I better go.

CK:  Don’t go.  Not before you click on the ad.  I need the money.

MI:  I’m leaving.

CK:  Come on just click on the ad.  Is that too much to ask?  I need the money.  Click on the f*cking ad pretty boy!

MI: I’m out of here.  

[Clark Kent grabs Manhattan Infidel and throws him on the floor.  He attempts to drag him to his computer.]

CK:  Click on the f#cking ad!  Just click on the f#cking ad and you can leave.

[Manhattan Infidel kicks Clark Kent in the groin and escapes.]

MI:   You’re psycho.

CK:  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I’m just under a lot of stress.  Come back!  If you see Lois Lane tell her I love her.  And I still have her underwear.  Jimmy’s too!

And so ended my interview with struggling blogger Clark Kent.  If you have a chance to visit his blog and click on the ads on the sidebar I suggest you do it. Or he might hunt you down.

Hey, blogging is a blood sport!

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