Drummer for Def Leppard Arrested for Murder of Richard Kimble’s Wife

The case of the murder of Helen Kimble, wife of Stafford, Indiana pediatrician Richard Kimble (pictured here) has

An innocent man taken a new turn.

At 1 pm local time Rick Allen, drummer for the English rock band Def Leppard was brought into Stafford police headquarters by Lt. Philip Gerard.

Def Leppard’s drummer is a murderer!

“I am proud to say we finally have the murderer” said Girard.

Girard then answered questions from reporters.

Reporter:  Why did you arrest Allen?

Girard:  Kimble kept saying that his wife was killed by a one-armed man.   A man with one arm only.  And the original one-armed man I arrested as you can clearly see, has one arm and a stump.

Technically not a one-armed man

Reporter:  Are you serious?

Girard:  I’m a public servant.  I’m always serious.

Reporter:  How did you find Allen?

Girard:  My son listens to that rock music.  He knows I was looking for a one-armed man and he said, “Dad, the drummer for Def Leppard has one arm.”  Naturally I was confused as to why a deaf leopard would have one arm but then he said it was a band.  I went to their concert and arrested him backstage.  He has one arm.  That’s good enough for me.

Reporter:  Are you freaking serious?

Allen maintains his innocence.

Dude, I’m a drummer.  This is ridiculous.  Anybody with a brain knows that the only rock drummer who committed murder was John Bonham!  No wait, I forgot about Keith Moon.  And Ringo.  Let’s not forget the murders he’s committed.  And the Grateful Dead’s drummers? Don’t get me started.  But me?  Innocent.  Look I have one arm. How’s a one-armed man going to kill someone?  Slap them to death?

As for the heretofore fugitive Kimble, he has expressed satisfaction at the arrest.

Girard’s a f#cking idiot.  Four years of my life have been wasted.  Four years of running around America while that moron chased me. 

He had one arm!  He was a drummer!

I told him when we were on the train together and he was taking me to death row that a one-armed man did it.  A one-armed man who looked like a drummer.

Kimble plans to sue the town of Stafford for back wages.

Do you know how much a pediatrician makes in one year?  Sweet.  And I lost four years.  I’m suing their ass off.

As for Fred Johnson, the original one arm with a stump man under suspicion, he confirms that Girard is an idiot.

I told him I did it.  I gave him details.  But no.  He says, “I don’t know.  You have one arm and a stump.  And I’m looking for a man with one arm only.”

As a reward for bringing in a vicious one-armed drummer, Stafford has announced that Lt. Girard will be promoted to Captain.


4 Responses

  1. I hope Kimble does sue tha ass off Stafford. It’s about time someone other than the union thugs got some of the public’s money.

  2. innominatus says:

    The entire band should be arrested and executed for releasing garbage like “Pour Some Sugar on Me”

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: I hope Kimble has a good lawyer.

    Inn: look on the bright side. Def Leppard aint’ Wham.

    Wait….did someone say “Wham?”


    You put the boom boom into my heart
    You send my soul sky high when your lovin’ starts
    Jitterbug into my brain
    Goes a bang bang bang ’til my feet do the same

    But something’s bugging you, something ain’t right
    My best friend told me what you did last night
    Left me sleepin’ in my bed, I was dreaming
    But I should have been with you instead

    Wake me up before you go go
    Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo yo
    Wake me up before you go go
    I don’t want to miss it when you hit that high

    Wake me up before you go go
    ‘Cause I’m not plannin’ on going solo
    Wake me up before you go go
    Take me dancing tonight
    I wanna hit that high, yeah, yeah

    You take the gray skies out of my way
    You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day
    Turned a bright spark into a flame
    My beats per minute never been the same

    ‘Cause you’re my lady, I’m your fool
    It makes me crazy when you act so cruel
    Come on baby, let’s not fight
    We’ll go dancing, everything will be all right

  4. Richard Kimble, one armed drummers AND Wham?

    This blog really does have everything a growing boy needs!

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