A Message from General John Allen, Coalition Commander in Afghanistan

Carpet bomb them with emails!

The war in Afghanistan, aka, the “Long War” has seen many commanders and many changes in tactics over the years.

Today at Manhattan Infidel I am pleased to turn over my blog to our current commander in Afghanistan, Marine Corp General John Allen, who will discuss the challenges he has had to deal with prosecuting the war.

General Allen, I give the floor to you.

Thank you Manhattan Infidel.

I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country.  He won it by having sex with the other guy’s wife under a desk!

All real Americans love the sting of battle!  And sending shirtless photos to another man’s wife.

By God I actually pit the poor bastards we’re going up against.   We’re not just going to shoot the bastards, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.

And if that doesn’t work we’ll demoralize them with 30,000 pages of inappropriate emails.

The Taliban are the enemy.  Spill their blood.  Shoot them in the belly.  When you’ve just finished having sex under a desk and put your hand on a bunch of goo on the face of another man’s wife you’ll know what to do!  Resign!

I don’t to get any messages saying we are holding our position.  However if you must send an email make sure you carpet bomb the enemy with, oh, I don’t know, say 20,000 to 30,000 inappropriate emails.

Demoralize the enemy! Demoralize them by sending them 30,000 emails!  I want your email trail to the enemy to go through them like crap through a goose.

I mean look at me!

I will send emails to you like crap through a goose!

Would you want to be carpet bombed with emails from me?  Would it make you cry?  You’re damn right it would.

Now there’s one more thing I want you to remember.  One day when you’re at Central Command in Tampa Florida and you meet this woman

Carpet bomb her!

ask yourself this question:  Is she millions of dollars in debt and a potential security risk?  If so, get her email address!

Alright now you sons of bitches, you know how I feel.  I would be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere!

Unless of course I’m busy emailing some other man’s busty wife.

Rommel you magnificent bastard I read your emails!  All of them!  All thirty thousand of them!

That’s all.  You are dismissed.

General Allen I thank you again for taking time out from your busy schedule to address my readers.

Manhattan Infidel


3 Responses

  1. I would gladly follow General John Allen into battle during our great War On Shirts.


  2. Wow! America is so fortunate have such men of valor willing to lead our troops. There is absolutely nothing he wouldn0t and hasn0t done for his country. Imagine, he was even willing to have sex under the desk for his couuntry. What a guy!

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: the unknown shirtless warrior. With Double downs no less!

    Jim: Sex under desks made this country great.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>