The day has arrived.  After the primaries.  After the conventions. After being caught in a hotel room with quart of Budweiser, an inflatable doll and a DVD of season three of “Golden Girls”  After the fall campaign, it is time to vote.

And on this historic day we’d like to address ourselves to one segment of voters:  Women.

Your vote is important to us!

Unless of course you’re black.  Or Hispanic.  Or Pakistani, Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese or Irish.

As you enter the voting booth I want you to remember all that the Democratic Party has given you:

• Free birth control (for your lady parts)
• Bill Clinton (he loves your lady parts)
• More free birth control (the Republicans hate your lady parts and would have you close them!)
• And finally, more free birth control (We in the Democratic party love your vagina.)

We in the Democratic party want you ladies to hearken back to an earlier, not to distant time:  the Republican-dominated 1950s (“the stone age“).

During the stone age women were viewed as good for only one thing:  stay-at-home wifely sex that leads to the birthing of babies.

Think of how far you’ve come since then.

Now, in the Democratic-dominated 2010’s think of how you are viewed:  Good for getting a high paying job and having frequent birth-controlled sex with multiple partners that will not lead to the mewling and puking of unwanted babies.

For the Earth’s resources are dangerously limited.  Less people means less global warming.

We in the Democratic party understand a woman’s needs.  Particularly her lady part needs. (Which Republicans would deny you.)

Because let’s face it.  If you get pregnant your career will suffer and you won’t be able to make $100,000 or more a year.

Unless of course you’re black.  Or Hispanic. Or Pakistani, Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese or Irish.  Because you probably don’t have a high-paying job to begin with.

When you pull that lever today pull it for the Democratic Party.

Your lady parts will tingle.

This message has been brought to you by “Democrats for Lady Parts.”

Democrats for Lady Parts is a registered Super PAC.

Democrats for Lady Parts is not affiliated with the National Organization for Women.  (Though we know they want us.  Badly.)

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