Apple Enters Partnership With The Borg

 The old Borg - clumsy, limited graphics capability and unreliable cloud technology

The Borg Collective and Apple Computers have announced an exclusive and far-reaching partnership that will transform and update the Borg Model and make it competitive in the interstellar marketplace.  In a statement released today Apple CEO Tim Cook said:

Apple is excited about this new partnership and recognize the galaxy-wide brand name of the Borg.  We feel that this new initiative will help the Borg tap into the youth market here on Earth.  We welcome the Borg Queen onto our Board of Directors and look forward to a long and profitable relationship.

Apple also revealed the first Borg to be released under the new joint company called “Bopple.”   The iBorg (pictured here) The new Borg! will be a significant upgrade from the previously recognized Borg.  Gone will the old clumsy humanoid-computer hardware model.  In its place will be a slimmer, sleeker, hipper Borg.

The new iBorg will also come with secure cloud computing.

While we recognize that the Borg were pioneers in the Cloud computing industry, their old “cloud collective” was not without significant security failures.  How else do you explain Data being able to plant a command in the Borg regenerative subcommand path telling the Borg to go to sleep?  That’s a serious breach of security right there.  I mean, Jesus, haven’t the Borg ever heard of a firewall?

The new iBorg “Collective” will be cloud-computed at Apple’s corporate headquarters in Cupertino, California.

Our servers are much more secure and will be able to accommodate the iBorg more efficently. 

The recreational side of the Borg will not be overlooked either.  The iBorg will come with iTunes built into their operating system.

Well we want our partners to have a well-rounded universe-view.  Sure assimilating other cultures may be rewarding.  But what do you do on your downtime?  How does a Borg relax?  We believe having iTunes built into the Borg will significantly increase their happiness.

Already the iBorg is back-ordered.  Customers have been camped out at Apple stores across the country for the chance to be the first to buy one.

As for the Borg themselves, the Borg queen expressed satisfaction with the partnership and looks forward to the day when “Apple will be totally assimilated by us.”

“Yeah, there are still some issues to be resolved” said Cook. “But we are confident none will be deal-breakers.”

The iBorg retails for $2995 for the 32 terabyte and $5200 for the 64 terabyte edition.

Adapter not included.


3 Responses

  1. Great! We could replace Congress with the 32 terabyte models and the president with the 64 terabyte edition. It would clearly be better than what we have now.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Unfortunately the iBorg are committed to bipartisanship and fair play. So obviously they would have no place in Washington.

  3. “Adapter not included.”

    Yeah sounds about right for an apple product.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>