If it’s one thing I pride myself on it is that Manhattan Infidel has almost as much traffic as the blog “Pictures of Gonorrhea.”

If it’s another thing I pride myself on it is my uncanny knack for making the correct decision in every matter.  This skill has enabled me to  live a live of luxury, ease and glamour is that dog food?  Are you just going to throw it out?  Give it to me I’m hungry.

And so readers I am now going to pass along my remarkable decision-making process to you, my loyal readers.

Internet Safety

It is 2 am and you have just stumbled upon the website “No Man’s Land Asian Edition”  which you assumed was a website devoted to remote mountain passes on the Chinese-Indian border.

You get an IM from someone called, “Horny4olderman” asking if you “want to party.”

This is a perfect opportunity to make new friends and be sociable.  Instead of ignoring the IM do as I did, as the following exchange shows:

Horny4olderman:  Hi honey.  You want to  party?

Manhattan Infidel:  Hi.  How are you?  I like parties.  They are fun.

Horny4olderman:  Tee hee.  They sure are.  I’m a 14 year old girl and I like to party with older men.  I’m up for anything.  Wink.  Wink.

Manhattan Infidel:  Well come on over to my place. I have beer and restraints.  We’ll watch Gomer Pyle together!

Now, admittedly this occasion did not turn out as expected.  The 14-year old was an undercover cop.  This was disappointing to me.  What’s this world coming to when you can’t trust someone you meet online who says they are a 14-year old girl who wants to party?

Road Safety

I don’t have to tell my readers that the road can be a dangerous place.  Many people just do not drive with safety in mind.  I could just ignore the unsafe drivers and go on my way but that would be wrong.

Instead, I like to challenge unsafe drivers.  I can remember on one occasion I was tooling along on the New York State Thruway in my electric Mitsubshi i-MiEV when a gang of bikers passed me at unsafe speeds.

I followed the bikers to the next truck stop to confront them and teach them a lesson about safe driving.  I got out of my car, walked right up to them and said, “Stop in the name of safe driving!”

I was then going to give them a piece of my mind.  I’m sorry, but safe driving is a passion of mine.

Now, admittedly, this occasion did not turn out as I expected as I was beaten savagely by the bikers, stripped of my clothing and dumped upside down in the trash bin.  And they set my Mitsubishi on fire as well!

Who knew bikers could be so belligerent?

But my point is, despite these two rather isolated examples, I usually make the right decision.  And it is my hope that you, dear reader, can learn from my example.

And so I’d like to close this post with a few words of – hey what’s this?  I just got an IM from a 17-year old girl who wants me to be her daddy and spank her.

Well I don’t know if I’m ready for the responsibility of fatherhood.  But sure, come on over.  I have cookies and I’ll spank you if you’ve been naughty.

A Special Message from Manhattan Infidel’s web service provider:

Do to the recent arrest and incarceration of the blogger known as Manhattan Infidel this site will be shut down permanently.

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